This is the story of a harrowing experience that I'd like to share with anyone who'd give a rat's ass about it.
Apparently my bodily wastes, be it gaseous or matter, has a rather strong aroma to it. In finding a way to counter this, my dad had sought all sorts of help. This ranged from a traditional Javanese massage to enema. I don't know to what extent my parents' efforts were but they desperately wanted to get rid of the 'unwelcoming feeling after I leave a toilet'. Fariz complains but that's just it. He can live with it.
One day as I woke up around 2.00PM, my dad was having a massage downstairs. Pak Tahir was the masseuse and my dad called me for my turn. I was thinking 'What the fuck?'. I mean, not saying that I'm rude to my parents or anything but I had just woke up and suddenly urut? Apa hal? Ahh, what the hell, pergi je la...
It hurt! Bloody hell it hurt. As he pulled three fingers down and around my stomach, it felt like there was a knife going along with it. Each touch was a stab. Each pull was a slash. I shrieked once or twice and when he realised I couldn't take it anymore, I was released. With a promise of a second round, of course. I didn't care. All I did care about was that I'd get to the toilet as the irritation applied caused a stir in my stomach and I needed to...
They tried taking me for colon-cleansing. I guess time didn't allow that. Or maybe lack of recognised centres or some other stupid reasons. So they acquired a do-it-yourself kit. I like DIY. Because DIY is closely associated with hardware stores, power machinery and such. But this DIY was different. Different.
The kit consisted of a pail and instructions. It was a small pail, rather cute, I'd say. It was slightly bigger than your average bekas kuih raya. But it had a tube coming out from the bottom. And the end of the tube had a valve and a leech-like plastic thingy that was lubricated. Lubricated.
I never saw the instructions but everything was briefed by my dad. I had to do it three times (FUCK!). The pail would be filled to the 2 litre mark and the tube obviously up my ass. I was supposed to lie on my right side and put the pail higher than me and let it flow... The process had to be done thrice because the first was to cleanse, the second to alkalize and lastly to neutralize.
I sat on the bowl and poked it. Geli gila! The pail was filled with plain water and some powder which was supposed to give the mixture a sharpness that would scrape things off the inside walls. I didn't lie on my right. I lied on my left as the toilet bowl blocked my view. I pulled the valve and... Oooh! Seronok gila! It was a rather pleasant feeling, actually. But after the first half litre, I felt stuffed. As I passed the first litre, it started to hurt a bit. My dad gave words of encouragement and semangat. It didn't matter. I didn't want 'shit' to happen. Despite the pain, I just imagined it was something like 'The Matrix'. You plug something in yourself and your in another world.
When it was finished, I had problems getting up as I felt weak. But the liquid was demanding to gush out so I jumped on the bowl and pulled the tube out.
Woosh!
It came out as a whole body of liquid. It was like diarrhoea that didn't hurt. In fact, best gak ah! Don't ask about the details. This is, after all, the cleansing process. I needed a five-minute breather before I let my dad refill the pail. Alkali, I thought. What could he put?
Coffee. And some shit detergent (not fecal detergent, but shit detergent as in entahapapa punya detergent). Tidak!
I too it like a man. Ha ha ha... The same thing again but I was experienced now. I kept thinking I was 'The One' and that whatever the hell that's being plugged into me would give me superiority of some sort. Oh yeah. Childish beliefs but it works. Psychology, I guess. Reaching the last half litre, the tube came off and coffee-soap spilt all over me! I tried desperately to grab it and shove it back in but the lubricant had faded and it was hard to move as I was 'full'. Selamba....
Suddenly, somehow, it went in. Straight in. And just like Neo, everything 'uploaded'. The sensation. Oooh, the pleasure. Some alien substance racing through your body. I think that since the rectum is connected to the stomach and that's connected to bla bla bla and so on and that whole system runs up (or down) your spine, that's how the sensations from down under flushed upwards throughout my whole body.
I was juiced up and ready to roll.
"There she blows!"
"Foooosh!" like a flamethrower. The current was strong, heavy-bodied and continuous.
"Rat-tat-tat" as it neared the end. The gases and whatever-nots providing the emptiness needed for the intermittent bursts. Then, as any submachine gun, no matter how strong, no matter how fast, its ammunition has to run dry. "Psssss".
I got up, stomach below feeling like jelly. But I knew I had entered another world. Figuratively, technically, fantasy, imaginatively... To me, it was as real as it can get. And I swear I loved it. Every single moment of it.
But now, after a long lapse in which I have returned to civilization... Entah, macam dah lupa dah. Eww, what the fuck was I thinking?!
Apparently my bodily wastes, be it gaseous or matter, has a rather strong aroma to it. In finding a way to counter this, my dad had sought all sorts of help. This ranged from a traditional Javanese massage to enema. I don't know to what extent my parents' efforts were but they desperately wanted to get rid of the 'unwelcoming feeling after I leave a toilet'. Fariz complains but that's just it. He can live with it.
One day as I woke up around 2.00PM, my dad was having a massage downstairs. Pak Tahir was the masseuse and my dad called me for my turn. I was thinking 'What the fuck?'. I mean, not saying that I'm rude to my parents or anything but I had just woke up and suddenly urut? Apa hal? Ahh, what the hell, pergi je la...
It hurt! Bloody hell it hurt. As he pulled three fingers down and around my stomach, it felt like there was a knife going along with it. Each touch was a stab. Each pull was a slash. I shrieked once or twice and when he realised I couldn't take it anymore, I was released. With a promise of a second round, of course. I didn't care. All I did care about was that I'd get to the toilet as the irritation applied caused a stir in my stomach and I needed to...
They tried taking me for colon-cleansing. I guess time didn't allow that. Or maybe lack of recognised centres or some other stupid reasons. So they acquired a do-it-yourself kit. I like DIY. Because DIY is closely associated with hardware stores, power machinery and such. But this DIY was different. Different.
The kit consisted of a pail and instructions. It was a small pail, rather cute, I'd say. It was slightly bigger than your average bekas kuih raya. But it had a tube coming out from the bottom. And the end of the tube had a valve and a leech-like plastic thingy that was lubricated. Lubricated.
I never saw the instructions but everything was briefed by my dad. I had to do it three times (FUCK!). The pail would be filled to the 2 litre mark and the tube obviously up my ass. I was supposed to lie on my right side and put the pail higher than me and let it flow... The process had to be done thrice because the first was to cleanse, the second to alkalize and lastly to neutralize.
I sat on the bowl and poked it. Geli gila! The pail was filled with plain water and some powder which was supposed to give the mixture a sharpness that would scrape things off the inside walls. I didn't lie on my right. I lied on my left as the toilet bowl blocked my view. I pulled the valve and... Oooh! Seronok gila! It was a rather pleasant feeling, actually. But after the first half litre, I felt stuffed. As I passed the first litre, it started to hurt a bit. My dad gave words of encouragement and semangat. It didn't matter. I didn't want 'shit' to happen. Despite the pain, I just imagined it was something like 'The Matrix'. You plug something in yourself and your in another world.
When it was finished, I had problems getting up as I felt weak. But the liquid was demanding to gush out so I jumped on the bowl and pulled the tube out.
Woosh!
It came out as a whole body of liquid. It was like diarrhoea that didn't hurt. In fact, best gak ah! Don't ask about the details. This is, after all, the cleansing process. I needed a five-minute breather before I let my dad refill the pail. Alkali, I thought. What could he put?
Coffee. And some shit detergent (not fecal detergent, but shit detergent as in entahapapa punya detergent). Tidak!
I too it like a man. Ha ha ha... The same thing again but I was experienced now. I kept thinking I was 'The One' and that whatever the hell that's being plugged into me would give me superiority of some sort. Oh yeah. Childish beliefs but it works. Psychology, I guess. Reaching the last half litre, the tube came off and coffee-soap spilt all over me! I tried desperately to grab it and shove it back in but the lubricant had faded and it was hard to move as I was 'full'. Selamba....
Suddenly, somehow, it went in. Straight in. And just like Neo, everything 'uploaded'. The sensation. Oooh, the pleasure. Some alien substance racing through your body. I think that since the rectum is connected to the stomach and that's connected to bla bla bla and so on and that whole system runs up (or down) your spine, that's how the sensations from down under flushed upwards throughout my whole body.
I was juiced up and ready to roll.
"There she blows!"
"Foooosh!" like a flamethrower. The current was strong, heavy-bodied and continuous.
"Rat-tat-tat" as it neared the end. The gases and whatever-nots providing the emptiness needed for the intermittent bursts. Then, as any submachine gun, no matter how strong, no matter how fast, its ammunition has to run dry. "Psssss".
I got up, stomach below feeling like jelly. But I knew I had entered another world. Figuratively, technically, fantasy, imaginatively... To me, it was as real as it can get. And I swear I loved it. Every single moment of it.
But now, after a long lapse in which I have returned to civilization... Entah, macam dah lupa dah. Eww, what the fuck was I thinking?!
