Let's Get Grammar-y and Shit

Simple one first.

Deadline
The closing date. The submission date. The last moment for you to do something. Hence 'dead'. Please don't misuse this again.

Dateline
That city/date combination at the beginning of news reports. Ever heard of those? No? Well, you know those annoying toilet paper things your parents waste RM1.00 on every day to read pointless stuff on? It's the stuff printed on that thing. And in the days before news was reported by jane24 or @ahmadT (follow me!) who could be anywhere in the world sitting smugly with a cup of coffee watching a Skype feed of a riot instead of being on-site, real news was reported by a real person with the city's name and reporting date stamp at the beginning. The city's name would all be in capital letters, so you'd have to be quite oblivious (or stupid, really) to not notice this. It sort of goes like this.

KUALA LUMPUR, DEC 17---Yours truly attended Ruth Sahanaya's 25th anniversary concert tonight...

In case you still couldn't notice it, I made it bold, underlined it, italicised it, and even used a different font. Here it is again, unchanged, for your comparison.

KUALA LUMPUR, DEC 17---Yours truly attended Ruth Sahanaya's 25th anniversary concert tonight...

Simple. Also, don't confuse this with the International Date Line, which is the line that separates one day from another, somewhere near Samoa. Crossing this line westward sends you one day forward; eastward sends you one day back.

Now here's an interesting one: Why is it never a "ten-years plan"?

I honestly don't know what the rule is called but I should have this line in bold so you'll know this is the next thing
As a noun (if you don't know what that is, please print this page if you can, crumple it up, and go fuck yourself), numbers stick to the normal rule. No hyphens. Pluralise if it's more than one. Simple. It gets complicated when you use numbers to describe something, like a 'ten-year plan'.

She is eighteen years old.
That's her twenty-year-old brother.

For some reason, in the second case, all three words (or however many it takes to form the phrase) are joined together to form an adjective of sorts. And for some godforsaken reason, you don't have to pluralise--nay, you are forbidden from pluralising! (I did the whole font, underline, bold thing again, so you know I mean business).

Another common misconception of the need for a hyphen would be in the word 'long-term'. Or was that 'long term'? See what I did there? Ha! Anyway, same thing as above, really.

Results will be noticeable in the long term.
This is why it's a called long-term programme.

Rules for hyphenation go much deeper than this, but you'll rarely use it anyway, so I can't be bothered. Apparently adjectivising (is that even a word?) any word that has an -ed suffix requires a hyphen. Hot-headed, for one. But of course we couldn't give a rat's ass, so we can cross that bridge when we get there.

And how do we substitute?

Substitute Crisco for butter
Does that mean I'm using Crisco instead of butter? Or vice versa? Sometimes it sounds like the former is right. Sometimes, it's the latter.

It's the former. You substitute something new/better for something old/not as good. But you change something old/broken for something new/better. So be careful when using "substitute". As a follower of soccerball, I--just as many others--have been corrupted by years of ill-informed punditry and commentary about who goes off the field and is replaced by who.

Substitute A for B: A comes on for B
Substitute A with/by B: B comes on for A
Change A for B: B comes on for A
Replace A with B: B comes on for A

Next up, the difference 'a' makes.

A few & Few
Let's take this sentence as an example:

We've had (a) few problems.

Is that a complaint or is that brushing it off in a rather 'meh' manner? Let's see, then.

"A few" sort of means "many" but with a slight extra to it, as if there were more than is desired, but toned down. It's just an annoyingly modest way of saying "many" without explicitly saying it. Expanded, this sentence can sound more positive or negative, depending on the context:

We've had a few problems but we're fine.
We've had a few problems so we're in the shit.

Here, the number of problems is more than the speaker would wish. There emphasis on the amount of problems, but the speaker is holding back to be modest. Try substituting "many" for "a few" (hey, we're already applying shit we learned!).

The opposite is true for "few" (without the preceding 'a'); the connotation to this is that the number is less than is desired. Here's the sentence, expanded:

We've had few problems--it's okay, really.

In this case, the number is so small it's negligible. Here's an easy tip to help you out. Just add "quite" and/or "very" and it'll all make sense.

We've had quite a few problems but we're fine.
We've had very few problems--it's nice, really.

This also sometimes applies to "(a) little", by the way.

Why is it like this? Well, I suppose these are like 'its' and 'it's'. It could all have been much less ambiguous. It'd surely have saved millions of teachers having to remind their kids a bajillion times "Apostrophe 'it's', only for 'it is'! Non-apostrophe 'its', only for self reference!"

A similar case is evident in Bahasa Melayu (or Bahasa Malaysia, who gives a shit anymore?) by having the passive voice prefix di- and having the preposition (kata sendi) di. A million signboards out there are wrongwrongwrong! because the geniuses entrusted with this task don't know the difference: Di Larang Buang Sampah; Dapatkan Disini!

But to be fair, way back in the days when people started to actually give a shit about all these rules, they probably weren't as well connected or as well informed as we are now; many must not have gotten the memo. They probably only had candlelight at night--or in the day, if they lived in caves. I don't know. Also, back then people in different areas would obviously have very different understandings (think British-American spelling discrepancy). Yet look at what they've done. Credit to them--no, bow down, doff your cap, worship and peluk-cium them if possible--for what they accomplished. We have so much these days--the internet, the smart-ass phones, the fancy computers, Google and all that jazz (and also all that jizz, badum-pish!)--but honestly, how many times have you Googled about language or grammar? I did some these past two weeks, but only because of work (Ampersand or 'and'? To hyphen or not?). Nowadays, despite having all the help we can get, we've only sped up the fucking up of all their effort.

It's sad, really.

Seey Yoy Tomorroy Noight At Stay-dium Poot-chrah, Bookit Juhleel!

FAO radio deejays and/or the idiots who are in charge of the hiring and firing of them

Why are there only three types of deejays?

First you have the anchorman-esque guy who speaks fluently and clearly and who would most certainly be the voice of the next public service message. Ross, I think, from Light & Easy or LightFM or whatever they're called now, is the best example. My current pet peeve, apart from the excruciatingly annoying Delicia Waffle ad, is his thing about his friends Lai Ming (sounds like the Chinese girls school tepi KLCC) and an Indian boy and how they were like the poster boys for muhibbah and how this whole 1Malaysia bullshit was how we were and how we still can be. As far as I'm concerned, all I take out of that is that "we're not". But anyway, deejays like him are fine, especially for a station like Light. He may sound boring, he may even sound like your dad--but sometimes you need simplicity. None of that energy or chaos. Just a relaxing (or boring, if you're that cynical) voice to transition you into the next song. I guess he appeals to the demographic. For fuck's sake, they play "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree". Paham-paham ah kan.

Next up is the annoying twentysomething hipster. They exude coolness and are (sometimes) funny, but, true to the "never went full retard" philosophy of appeal, have a ridiculous fear or vulnerability, gaining them your sympathy or at least an "awwh". These are the ones with a little too much energy, and try so hard to be funny. Sometimes, maybe they even try a little too hard and it gets very lame. They will scream and laugh and be giggling like a 14-year old girl, whether or not they're a guy or girl. Sometimes, their mengada-ness is actually annoying, when they in fact tried to be endearing. I suppose most radio deejays are like this. Perhaps, with a bit of censorship and editing, this paragraph could be a job ad for radio stations? I'm not saying that just because they don't appeal to me, they fail at doing their jobs. No. I'm pretty far away from your average twentysomething. If I have to have the radio, I'll only tune in to Mix or Light. If they can both conspire to disappoint me, then it's Traxx. But alas, I digress. I can understand that you want to appeal to the biggest chunk of the segment and whatnot. But none of them are household names, nor are they rockstars of their industry. Perhaps a change to spice things up?

I know I said three, but I kind of forgot about the third type. In fact, I just realized that my beef is actually with the idiots who record advertisements. And coincidentally At The Beginning just started playing (fuck you, Anastasia's an awesome flick), so let's rewind shall we?

FAO radio advertisement voices and/or the idiots who are in charge of the hiring and firing of them

These are the true culprits. Why do they sound Australian? No. Ows-tryl-yun. Seriously. Why can't a Malaysian radio station  pronounce Malaysian names properly? I went to see David Foster & Friends, which was awesome. But the day before the show, I heard an ad for the customary free tickets contest. Yet the voice was Australian. No. Ows-tryl-yun. "Seey yoy tomorroy noight at Stay-dium Poot-chrah, Bookit Juhleel!" he said. Juhleel. Fuck me, are we all that crazy for Mat Sallehs that even an annoyingly thick Aussie accent is what we need? It's not like it was one-off. We've had these Aussie-sounding ads for years now. I doubt Australia enjoys listening to someone with a Glaswegian or Ah Beng accent for all their goings on. Get rid, please. Go scout any public speaking class/contest and pay him/her for your ads. Apa susah sangat?

If they don't sound Australian--no, Ows-tryl-yun--idiots in ads (adiots?) will try as best as is possible to conform to a Malaysian stereotype. You have the Ah Beng ("Eh, we same-same la, Boss. I oso do like dat wan! Chree time you know!"). You can just imagine him picking his gold tooth with his three inch-long pinkie fingernail as he persuades you to buy godknowswhat. Then you have the Macha, whose every W vill be a V (see what I did there?), or was that V becomes W? And their every word that ends in T or D will have it amplified. Like a qalqalah. Go ask your Muslim friend what that means. An Arab-speaker might know this, too. Is tajwid Arabic grammar, then? Or is it just for reading the Quran? If you do know, drop me a line. Anyway. I'm surprised there isn't a conservative "tak baik lah" Minah Tudung option. Perhaps they are confined to Era only. That would make sense, I guess. But what would I know about Era.

Last, but not least, would be the musical ads. Of course radio is for your aural pleasure only, so you make the best of sounds. And music is catchy. Listen to radio for two hours and rate the musical ads you hear. Before you're done, you've probably cut your ears off, then shot yourself to end the misery. Off the top of my head, the current 'favourites' are Delicia Waffles, Sunwhite Rice and newcomer Poslaju. Delicia uses an original composition (at least I think so), but they score no points for originality, and overachieve when it comes to annoyingness:

I love my waffles, Delicia waffles. I love em with ice cream, I love em with honey. They're yummy yummy yummy... !@#$^%&^&*()(*&%%$ ...waffle-waffle-waffle... waffle-waffle-waffle... waffle-waffle-waffle

Gardenia used to have such a simple and nice ad for their bread. Then they fucked it up with a fancy-schmancy guitar riff and whatnot and have a full song about....bread. No one gives a shit. They buy it, sapu peanut butter, telan. And now they have Delicia, which must mean they thought the bread ad was a success. Maybe (and I shudder at the thought)... it was. Now, if you haven't ripped an ear off yet, Sunwhite Rice will definitely make you do it. Seriously:

Mommmmmmmmy loves the Sunwhite Rice, Sunwhite Rice, Sunwhite Rice
Mommmmmmmmy loves the Sunwhite Rice, AAA for quality!

Going to the tune of London Bridge, this abomination of an ad is sung by a Chinese girl who--if you've heard it many enough times--sounds like she knows how stupid it is, but is simply acting professionally to get the job done to get paid. It is that bad. I'll let you judge the Poslaju ad yourselves. They can't even get the syllables right, for fuck's sake.

Remember the days of "755-2525! 755-2525! Pizza Hut Special Delivery"? They don't make 'em like they used to, I guess.

This is Malaysia. At the end of every sentence we add lah and kan and meh or mah and of course, doh. Regardless of whether or not it's English or Malay we try to speak, it kind of sounds the same at times. Obviously there'll be a bias towards one language but you get the point. But for all the rojakness of our language and the sheer stupidity of the people, come the fuck on--we can't be that dumb to only be attracted to the stereotype? Or annoying songs and jingles?


Why?

And So It Has Begun

Work, that is.

You see, despite being a central bank scholar for five years, I never quite knew what the fuck we do. All I knew was that we're a bank that's not quite a bank. And all the time we're told great things are expected of us because historically the scholars tend to do better. Right. No pressure then.

There is almost no point in my degree. My four years in university in Pittsburgh--yes. But the degree? Not really. It's been three months since I've joined this 9-to-6 rat race, and I can't quite think of anything from my classes that is reflected in any of my work. But my Excel and Powerpoint skillz (yes, that's with a 'Z'), knowledge of funky 'new' business models (which have been around for years in USA), and of esurance ads ("Technology when you want them, people when you don't")--all of which I garnered through four years in the Steel City--has somehow helped me as I slave away in my cubicle. Also, the cubicle. It's kinked. It can fit six people per island. Not very cubish at all.

But anyway, work isn't as bad as people say. And I say this despite having seven (7) supervisors who can, at any time of the day, call me to menghadap and discuss whatever or just to pass me something due besok before lunch please. They are all sat around me from my one o'clock all the way counterclockwise to my four o'clock. It's a pain at times, but I have to say getting praised for a job well done, or just doing it efficiently or improving on the current process--well it just gives you a sense of satisfaction. And I enjoy this. Somewhat.

My only beef with the workplace comes in the form of the kiasus who can't shut up about their KPIs, as well as broken Engrish. The former first. Anyone who's a fresh grad will not know shit, no matter how high their CGPA, or how classy their British degree is. Even someone who with a shitload of experience will not know the machinations of a new organization. This is a simple fact that any 14-year old can tell you. So why are we banging on about how it's unfair that we can't get high ratings and whatnot? Wait your turn, work your way up. Even if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth your dad's penis probably put it there. Or your mom's gyne; it doesn't just appear from nowhere. Again, this is a simple fact that any 14-year old can tell you. Fine, maybe not the gyne part but you get my point. If you really are that good, prove it. And that requires time. You don't just have to show that you're awesome. You also have to show that you're not an idiot either. Sure, you did good last week. But will you do the same this week? And next? Really, just shut up and deal with it.

My biggest achievement during my first month was to get someone to say 'expedite' correctly, instead of expedeet. What was good about it (at least I thought so) was the manner in which I did so. I just kept saying it right until said person finally said it right. It made me happy. My lips may not have moved, but I was smiling from ear to ear on the inside. Previously, I have always been the better one; I had a certain authority about me when it came to speaking the language, despite mistakes of my own every now and then. However, in an office where you're the most junior member (and youngest, at that) and you have to deal with people who are mothers and grandfathers and whatnot, how do you say oh that's wrong, it should be this instead? Actually that sounded quite good/okay. Funny how I never thought of that before. But that's one small battle. I can only say I've made a substantial contribution to the war once I rid the office/department/organization from saying 'develop' as 'devlep'. That's the Big One. The Holy Grail. Anyway. That's only pronunciation. There's also grammar (haih), misuse of my beloved apostrophe, and of course the lack of use of the page break in Word.

Okay, that last one isn't English per se. But still. When printing stuff, it should be in Arial 12. But for the warga emas, they kind of want it in Arial 14, double-spaced. And what happens when you increase the font size and spacing? The charts get fucked up, and the title is the last line of the page and that's just not pretty or befitting of something from our department/organization innit. Had these geniuses embraced the wonder of the page break--it's Alt+Enter in Word, UPA--the lives of so many people would be made much easier, blood pressure levels won't be so high, and well, thing would be better.

Required Hate of the Day: Idiots Who Take Forever to Get In/Out of Elevators (or Lifts).

When you press the button to call the lift (or elevator), after a delay of about a second or so, it comes up to your floor. This delay is expected. Yet it's meaningless, even if you were in a rush because you know it has to start up and whatnot.

And then there are times when the lift doesn't come to you directly. It stops somewhere along the way. Fine, you think, it's just a couple of seconds since apa lah susahnya nak keluar/masuk lif kan? Door opens, walk through, door closes. Even if you had something to carry or you were on a mobility buggy, it won't take that much longer. So that's another few seconds then, no biggie.

But then there are those very rare times--perhaps more than two standard deviations away from the norm--when you have something really heavy to carry or you get something stuck, then maybe, just maybe, it'll take a few minutes. But these things only happen like, what, once a week? Once a month?

This building doesn't have ADA-friendly ramps, so no one with a buggy lives/comes here. It's mostly students, who obviously (like me) wake up 30 minutes before class and are therefore in a hurry to get to campus. Also on the college student thing, we don't have rush hours--some have their first class at 8:30AM, some have 'em at 1:30PM--so there should never be that scene where someone else keeps rushing in just when the door is about to close. You have the odd drug dealer, who would obviously want to get the fuck out of the place as soon as possible. All the old people and/or their office-clinics are on the ground floor so they never use the lifts (or elevators). There's never been a trash bag too big, or laundry too much that it takes you forever and a fucking day to shove it in the elevator (or lift) or drag it out of. These instances are not isolated to early/late in the semester when people move in/out--it happens far too often and is spread out too evenly for a possible seasonal/period effect--but even for moving in/out we have a freight elevator (or lift) for furniture.

You'd think the elevators (or lifts) would come to you really quick. You'd think.

So why is it then that, every so often, you find yourself pressing the button on your eighth floor, then staring at the display and seeing it go 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...6...6...6...6...6...6...6...6...6... 7... 8... *ding*? It's not just the sixth floor (that's just an example, not singling you out or anything). It's every godforsaken floor, for fuck's sake. And it's not just this building. I'm pretty sure everyone has similar experiences elsewhere.

Why?

It's not that hard, you know, this elevator (or lift) thing. It takes about six seconds from when it starts to decelerate, open its doors, you getting out/in, you pressing the button, door closes and for it to start accelerating again. Noobs don't even need hand-eye or hand-leg coordination unlike escalators. You just walk. That's something you learn even before you learn how to speak.

So tell me, why do we wait ages for an idiot on another floor? Or, better yet if you're one of those idiots reading this, what do you do that takes you so long? You know what, the wait is annoying enough as it is, but continually thinking how you idiots get in/out of a lift (or elevator) is so much more irritating than it should ever be.

Winter Break 2010

Number of days spanned: 28
Number of countries visited: 4 (Ireland, UK, France, Belgium)
Number of cities visited: 14 (Detroit, Ann Arbor, Dublin, Belfast, London, Leeds, Bradford, Manchester, York, Liverpool, Cheshire, Lille, Paris, Brussels)
Number of airports passed: 8 (PIT, DTW, JFK, DUB, LBA, LHR, BRU, ATL)
Number of stadia/arenas visited: 4 (Motor City Casino Soundboard, The O2 Dublin, Old Trafford, Highbury)
Number of concerts attended: 2 (Air Supply, Meat Loaf)
Number of university campuses visited: 4
Number of museums visited: 4 (Westminster Abbey, The Beatles Story, National Maritime Museum, Old Trafford)

Number of nights spent at friends' places: 24
Number of friends who hosted: 6
Number of nights spent in hotels/hostels: 1
Number of nights spent in airplanes: 1
Number of nights spent in airports: 1

Number of mugs bought from friend's campuses: 0 (semua takde stock)
Number of fridge magnets bought for Fadzillah "I just bought a new fridge so buy me fridge magnets and kalau boleh beli yang getah punya" Aziz: 6
Number of movies seen: 5
Number of movies seen in cinemas: 4
Number of movies seen to simply kill time: 4
Number of movies slept through: 1 (sorry ya, Farah)
Number of French movies seen: 1
Number of runs for something: 2 (bus at Old Trafford, countdown during NYE)
Number of runs successful: 0
Number of laundry days: 3
Number of factory outlets shopped at: 1
Number of shopping arcades/centers entered: 9
Number of H&M entered: 8

Number of friends met (planned): 12
Number of friends bumped into: 9 (4 on Oxford Street on Boxing Day)
Number of friends mistaken by shopkeepers as my wife: 1
Number of friendly salah fahams: 2 (I thought "jom makan" was an invitation instead of a restaurant; I thought "subway" was the Leeds underground instead of the sandwich place that it is)
Number of times bumped into the French girl who gave us directions to the Metro station: 3
Number of times bumped into said girl, not in the direction she pointed: 3
Number of compliments received for the coat: 5
Number of people who assumed I was above 25: 4
Number of people who asked where I worked: 3
Number of times slipped: 5
Number of times fell down: 2 (first at Arsenal tube station; both after Yap arrived)

Number of airplane sectors: 7
Number of express bus sectors: 3
Number of train sectors: 5
Number of public transportation systems used: 9
Number of cab rides: 5 (all in Leeds, except one in Dublin)
Number of hours spent in airplanes: ~21
Number of hours spent in trains: slightly less than 5
Number of hours spent in cars: ~2
Number of hours spent in express buses: 13
Number of hours spent in airports: 27
Number of times stopped by customs: 2
NUmber of times late for flight: 1 (only late for baggage check in)
Number of redirections/rescheduling: 1

Number of meals at Malaysian restaurants: 2
Number of meals at Malaysian restaurants willingly: 0
Number of fish & chips eaten: 5 (3 cod, 2 haddock; 1 with mushy peas)
Number of waffles eaten: 2 (1 Brussels, 1 Liege)
Number of pieces of chicken cordon bleu we were supposed to buy: 5
Number of people supposed to buy chicken cordon bleu: 1
Number of people who bought chicken cordon bleu: 3
Number of pieces of chicken cordon bleu bought: 15
Number of crabmeat sticks in our pot of two Maggi Kari: 11

Number of cybercafes/internet kiosks visited: 2
Number of new facebook friends: ?????
Number of new songs in download list: 3
Number of new movies in must-watch list: 3
Number of new books in must-read list: 2
Number of books read: 3
Number of books bought: 5

Number of sim cards bought: 1 (Orange UK)
Number of text messages sent: >100 (Sent Items limited to 100 only)
Number of text messages received: 186
Number of "Welcome to the Orange network!"-type text messages received from Orange: 8
Number of "Inform your loved ones of your safe arrival" and/or Malaysian Embassy phone number and/or roaming partners text messages from Maxis: 18
Number of missed calls to Esther's phone when locked out of the flat at 4:00am and freaking out for fear of missing flight: 32 (using the Maxis sim...sorry, Pa. At least she never picked up, so there wasn't a phone call per se.)

Number of photos taken: 725
Number of photos deleted: 318 (blurry, wrong settings, similar)
Number of videos taken: 4 (all of them of people playing Wii Dance Central)

Number of Monopoly Deal wins: 5
Number of Monopoly Deal games: 21
Number of Rock, Paper, Scissors/Osom wins: 1
Number of Rock, Paper, Scissors/Osom contested: 2
Number of football games seen in pubs: 2 (Man Utd vs. Arsenal; Arsenal vs. Chelsea)
Number of football games followed online: 1 (Man Utd vs. Stoke City)


Quotes of the Trip

DETROIT
"It's nice to visit a new place. After a career of 35 years it's hard to find places we've never been to before. Now, if we want to be 'Lost In LOve' we have to set the mood right"
- Graham Russell, Air Supply

ANN ARBOR
"Well, yes it's not that clean sebab tengah nak exam. But it could be worse"
- Dian Hikmah on the state of her home

DUBLIN
"Testes--you should be aware of the number, shape, size, lumps and tenderness. It was mind blowing to me when a patient didn't know he was supposed to have two."
- Dr. Arthur Jackson, lecturer at RCSI

"If you have your own concert and you play 'Bat Out Of Hell' as your third number, you'll know what it feels like to be fucking 63"
- Meat Loaf

LEEDS
Text from Farah: Wait, nnt dah smpai train station, msg aku. Jgn amek city cab. Mahal. Kau pegi carik subway dlm train station tu. Lepak situ."
*You can see why I was looking for an underground metro thingy*

Farah: Kat sini banyak bus stop, so nak pergi mana-mana senang je by bus. Rumah kawan aku dekat situ je, One Stop tu.
*You can see why I thought it was 'one stop' away by bus. One Stop is in fact a kedai runcit*

Farah: Baiklah. Situ ada bus stop. Situ pun ada. Aku tak sure bas yang mana, so kita tunggu saja in between dua-dua.

LONDON
"Bodoh la, these facelifts. That car looks like it has a bloody misai. Tak nak lah!"
- Hanaa Zainuddin on why some cars just aren't for her

"Umur aku sembilan tahun pun aku kencing dalam seluar."
- Wawa defending her 6 year old cousin wetting his pants

"Kau cantik, Wawa... dari segi dalaman kau memang sangat cantik."
- Freddy yang jujur

"You don't like the gloves? Too expensive? He doesn't like it. Give it to him for £15. Give him £5 change. And here--free gift for your wife"
- How Imi got free earmuffs

MANCHESTER
"Eh...I actually feel a bit better!"
- A nauseated Julyana appreciates the help of Dr. Pepper

"Yap is diarrhoea. You, Kimbu, are constipation."
- Julyana, when things get rough during Monopoly Deal

"But she comes from Seremban so she's accustomed to that lifestyle."
- Yet another gem from Julyana

"Best gila ada heater! Semalam I tido nyanyuk!"
- Julyana Ng Li-Ling waking us up

"What are you cooking for breakfast? Mee Yaggi?"
- July, the gift that keeps on giving

LILLE
"Eijas, aku bawak Maggi, aku bawak perencah nasi garing..."
- Yaser Nur

"You--I respect. You--I respect. But you--I don't respect. I don't respect you."
- Some black guy on the verge of tears when Yap didn't understand his request for a cigarette

"I was with an Australian girl for eight months now. It's feckin' awesome"
- Emmerich

2 penises + 4 balls + 0 vaginas:
Me: Ok, we should ask for directions. "Ask the young, for they know English..."
Yap: Area sana macam bandar je?
Me: Ok, jom! You do realise we could be walking in the wrong direction?
Yap: Of course. Tapi kita harus yakin!
Me: Ya!