1. Do you like teh tarik?
No.
2. Do you like durian?
No.
3. Would you buy a Proton?
Highly unlikely. Maybe.
Yes or no only.
No.
4. At home do you wear the kain pelekat?
No.
5. If someone suddenly slapped you, how would you melatah?
"What the fuck!"
6. a) Can you translate "gendang gendut tali kecapi" to English?
No.
b) Do you even know what thats mean in Malay?
No.
c) Do you care to find out its meaning now the topic has been brought up?
Kind of. Everyone knows the poem but nobody seems to know what it means.
Yes or no only.
No.
7. Do you balik kampung for Raya?
I don't have a... --No.
8. Do you speak more English or Malay at home?
English.
9. Are you at all pissed at the irony that these questions aren't in Malay?
Can't be arsed.
10. Do you make it a point to fly MAS?
I'm on a student's budg... --No.
11. Do you think national infrastructure like Touch 'n Go should have Malay names?
What, like Sentuh dan Berambus? Fuck, no!
12. Do you like Maggi goreng?
No.
13. Have you ever been part of an 'Enam Jahanam'-esque clique?
No.
14. Do you think the suffix 'Sdn. Bhd.' makes Malaysian companies look less fancy beside their peers with 'Pte. Ltd.' or 'Corp.'?
If every Malay company was named D'Something, yes.
Yes or no only.
No, with the exception of companies named D'Whatever.
15. a) How many Malay movies do you actually like?
Seven.
b) Discount P. Ramlee movies.
Two.
16. What about Malay TV shows?
None.
17. Do you miss nasi lemak?
Not that much.
Yes or no only.
No.
18. Have you ever wore a tengkolok?
No.
19. Have you ever wielded a real kris?
No.
20. Do you know any form of silat?
No.
21. Can you speak a different dialect of Malay?
No.
22. Do you like Milo?
No.
23. Do you agree with kapchais?
No.
24. Can you play the kompang?
No.
25. Your thoughts on rambutans?
A waste of time. Too much hassle, not much to chew.
*****
I can go on.
You see, what I have done here is depict myself as an asshole--someone who, should you be a kris-wielding Kelab UMNO Overseas member (or, God forbid, UMNO Youth), you would want to stab and then give a lecture about Ketuanan Melayu and culture and budaya and adat and much, much more. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. While many out there would easily testify as to how easy it is to make me look bad as a person, as a Malay, as a Malaysian, as a student, as a son, as a Muslim, as a Tartan--as whatever--you could ask these very questions to any average Malay out there and still obtain similar results of ignorance, a lack of respect and love for one's own kind, and that wretched 'tidak apa' attitude.
While there are many of you out there who would do so much, who would give so much for your own flesh and blood, for your own kin, for your own kind; please bear in mind that how you judge a person's ethnicity is not something that's remotely objective.
By asking the wrong questions, you yourself are the asshole for ignoring the more important things in life.
No.
2. Do you like durian?
No.
3. Would you buy a Proton?
Highly unlikely. Maybe.
Yes or no only.
No.
4. At home do you wear the kain pelekat?
No.
5. If someone suddenly slapped you, how would you melatah?
"What the fuck!"
6. a) Can you translate "gendang gendut tali kecapi" to English?
No.
b) Do you even know what thats mean in Malay?
No.
c) Do you care to find out its meaning now the topic has been brought up?
Kind of. Everyone knows the poem but nobody seems to know what it means.
Yes or no only.
No.
7. Do you balik kampung for Raya?
I don't have a... --No.
8. Do you speak more English or Malay at home?
English.
9. Are you at all pissed at the irony that these questions aren't in Malay?
Can't be arsed.
10. Do you make it a point to fly MAS?
I'm on a student's budg... --No.
11. Do you think national infrastructure like Touch 'n Go should have Malay names?
What, like Sentuh dan Berambus? Fuck, no!
12. Do you like Maggi goreng?
No.
13. Have you ever been part of an 'Enam Jahanam'-esque clique?
No.
14. Do you think the suffix 'Sdn. Bhd.' makes Malaysian companies look less fancy beside their peers with 'Pte. Ltd.' or 'Corp.'?
If every Malay company was named D'Something, yes.
Yes or no only.
No, with the exception of companies named D'Whatever.
15. a) How many Malay movies do you actually like?
Seven.
b) Discount P. Ramlee movies.
Two.
16. What about Malay TV shows?
None.
17. Do you miss nasi lemak?
Not that much.
Yes or no only.
No.
18. Have you ever wore a tengkolok?
No.
19. Have you ever wielded a real kris?
No.
20. Do you know any form of silat?
No.
21. Can you speak a different dialect of Malay?
No.
22. Do you like Milo?
No.
23. Do you agree with kapchais?
No.
24. Can you play the kompang?
No.
25. Your thoughts on rambutans?
A waste of time. Too much hassle, not much to chew.
*****
I can go on.
You see, what I have done here is depict myself as an asshole--someone who, should you be a kris-wielding Kelab UMNO Overseas member (or, God forbid, UMNO Youth), you would want to stab and then give a lecture about Ketuanan Melayu and culture and budaya and adat and much, much more. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. While many out there would easily testify as to how easy it is to make me look bad as a person, as a Malay, as a Malaysian, as a student, as a son, as a Muslim, as a Tartan--as whatever--you could ask these very questions to any average Malay out there and still obtain similar results of ignorance, a lack of respect and love for one's own kind, and that wretched 'tidak apa' attitude.
While there are many of you out there who would do so much, who would give so much for your own flesh and blood, for your own kin, for your own kind; please bear in mind that how you judge a person's ethnicity is not something that's remotely objective.
By asking the wrong questions, you yourself are the asshole for ignoring the more important things in life.
11 comments:
oi presiden budaya! haha
nooooooo...nooo (gaya consuela)
What do you mean you do not like teh tarik? And nasi lemak?! I can understand the zero desire to own a Proton. But teh tarik and nasi lemak? And maggi goreng?
Teh tarik and maggi goreng can kiss my ass. the question was do you miss nasi lemak?, which does not imply dislike, however i answer that.
danial. heheh, would you believe i watched family guy last night terus teringat your comment on consuela?? now i understand!
haaaa?
To tirah watif,
Hopefully someday you'd understand.
hello miser nj
Hey Shazwan. I don't know you but this is an awesome post! Pretty much sums up how super superficial some people can be.
Beli Proton, patriotic. Speak in BM, Melayu habis.
If merempit naik Kriss and sambil wave Jalur Gemilang, patriotic or otherwise?
MM,
Finally! Someone who gets it. Well obviously rempits would say it's patriotic. I think anything or anyone with a Malaysian flag is/are patriotic.
But that in itself is subjective. Merempit tu dah buat ramai gila sakit hati. But then it's a Kriss--buatan Malaysia tu.
poyo gampang
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