Statistically Speaking

A statistics instructor once promised the whole class that he'd come up with a really cool statistics joke, given enough time throughout the semester. Midway through the sem, he announced that he had one, but that it'd have to wait after class. Everyone was anxious, but we got through the day's material and eagerly listened tow hat he had to say.

"Statisticians--we may be dull, but we have our moments."

If you don't get it, don't sweat it. 'Moments' has another statistic-related meaning to it. But still, all that waiting, and just that? One year on in my involvement in statistics and I have these two gems to cherish:

Before class

Guy 1: Aw, man I love her, she's awesome. And she's a great professor--that's why we have to go to class early.
Guy 2: No, you just want to go early because you enjoy the boner you get.
Guy 1: Hey, I pay a lot to go to school here. Might as well make the best out of it. But yeah, I wanna savor the--how long is class again?--80 minute erection hahaha. Remember last week, she wore those pants?
Guy 2: Holy shit. You don't wear pants that tight in a class of twenty-something-year-olds and not expect people to notice.
Guy 1: I don't care, man. I'm loving it. Oh, those arms...when she flexes them! I'd let her do anything to me with those arms! She's just ridiculously hot for her age.
Guy 2: You know, I should record everything you're saying now and just play it when we take the final. I'd pay to see her reaction.
Guy 1: She'd probably like it. She's that cool.
Guy 2: I'd say 50-50 on her either failing you or giving you an A on the spot.
Guy 1: She'll give me an A, for sure!
Guy 2: That sure, huh? Wanna do a t-test?
Guy 1: Hell, yes!
Guy 2: Wait, R or gretl?
Both: R!
Guy 1: Jesus, the stakes are getting high, isn't it?
Guy 2: 5% alpha?
Guy 1: Double or nothing 1% alpha!
Guy 2: We should probably just record this conversation and play it during the final instead.


Library (studying for an exam)

Guy 1: Hey, did you know that the expected value of errors equals zero assumption can be violated?
Guy 2: Sure. I just pull down my pants and violate it like this.
*Guy 2 dry humps lecture notes*
Guy 1: You bastard. Now every time I think of this assumption violation...
Guy 2: You know what? The assumption should have EXPECTED it. Badum-pish!