When did you learn the 'four-letter word'? Seeing as to how it's probably the worst of them all, it should be etched in your head how, when, and by whom you learned it from.
Do you even remember when you started to learn? I mean really started to learn. I can only think so far back as when I was three or four and people at home told me "kalau makan benda mentah, nanti sakit perut" and "kalau kena air didih nanti tangan melecur" (learned that the hard way, anyway). What about school? I would assume most people look back on Darjah Satu and think it's a fucking joke. But only because I'd already learned multiplication and grammar in Children's House. The only thing significantly 'new' enough for me to remember in that year (1996) was Bahasa Melayu because I couldn't quite speak it, and that despite no one ever saying 'se-li-par' it is spelt that way.
Outside of school though, I learned certain things a tad bit too early. This is the (dis)advantage of having a brother three years your senior. Whatever he learns at the normal age, you'll learn three years earlier. I remember vividly this one time his friend came over and although there were only the three of us in the room, he whispered ever so softly.
"You know this?" he says as he pulls a fist with one hand and slaps the top of it with the other.
"Isn't that something really bad?" my brother says. His friend inches closer and whispers even softer.
"It's the rudest word in the world. Even worse than 'bastard'!" That really caught our attention. You can see why a precocious six-year-old would remember this conversation so well.
"What is it?" we asked him.
He looks around to make sure no one knows, or he'd be dead meat. The door is closed and locked. But still he looks around. Then he whispers, "It means...," and paused for the longest time, "...it means 'fuck'. F-U-C-K. The four letter word."
I was underwhelmed if I'm honest. 'Fuck'? That's it? Just the one silly syllable? 'Fuck'? That's the rudest, baddest word of them all? I mean, I expected something a little more bad ass-sounding. Think about it. 'Bastard' sounds really mean. But 'fuck'? It was just too short, too simple. I even thought saying to someone 'you stupid idiot' would be so much more hurtful than 'you stupid fuck'. Because 'idiot' sounds so much more...sophisticated (for lack of a better word).
So I asked him what it meant. He whispered in my brother's ear. I could see that raised an eyebrow. Now I really wanted to know what the rudest, baddest word in the world meant. He looked at me, then at my brother. "Are you sure I can tell him? Are you sure you wanna know?"
"Yeah!" I yelled a little too loudly. All three of us looked around to make sure no one had eavesdropped or had entered (the locked room). One of them covered my mouth, the other put a finger to his lip. "SHHHHH! Your parents will kill us if they knew!"
Then he whispered it to me. "'Fuck' is when a guy puts his dick in a woman's vagina. That's also how babies are made!" And then he looked at us both squarely with his big, round eyes. "Don't ever say it in front of your parents or teachers. They'd probably cili your mouth, man! You can get into so much trouble." Again, I was underwhelmed. That's it? Just that? In my mind's eye I pictured a penis trying to squeeze into a camel toe (because back then that's as much about the vagina that I knew of).....and then suddenly a fetus appearing in the woman's belly. It's like the vagina was an on/off switch that can only be triggered by the penis, for some reason. And when it did, the baby started to grow. Brilliant, really, how the brain of the six/seven-year-old me ticked.
On top of the weird image I had in my head, the word 'fuck' still didn't make sense. Why was it rude if that's how babies are made? What made it so bad if it meant something that wasn't?
Well we've all come a pretty long way since then. And now 'fuck' is not just a verb, is it?
Do you even remember when you started to learn? I mean really started to learn. I can only think so far back as when I was three or four and people at home told me "kalau makan benda mentah, nanti sakit perut" and "kalau kena air didih nanti tangan melecur" (learned that the hard way, anyway). What about school? I would assume most people look back on Darjah Satu and think it's a fucking joke. But only because I'd already learned multiplication and grammar in Children's House. The only thing significantly 'new' enough for me to remember in that year (1996) was Bahasa Melayu because I couldn't quite speak it, and that despite no one ever saying 'se-li-par' it is spelt that way.
Outside of school though, I learned certain things a tad bit too early. This is the (dis)advantage of having a brother three years your senior. Whatever he learns at the normal age, you'll learn three years earlier. I remember vividly this one time his friend came over and although there were only the three of us in the room, he whispered ever so softly.
"You know this?" he says as he pulls a fist with one hand and slaps the top of it with the other.
"Isn't that something really bad?" my brother says. His friend inches closer and whispers even softer.
"It's the rudest word in the world. Even worse than 'bastard'!" That really caught our attention. You can see why a precocious six-year-old would remember this conversation so well.
"What is it?" we asked him.
He looks around to make sure no one knows, or he'd be dead meat. The door is closed and locked. But still he looks around. Then he whispers, "It means...," and paused for the longest time, "...it means 'fuck'. F-U-C-K. The four letter word."
I was underwhelmed if I'm honest. 'Fuck'? That's it? Just the one silly syllable? 'Fuck'? That's the rudest, baddest word of them all? I mean, I expected something a little more bad ass-sounding. Think about it. 'Bastard' sounds really mean. But 'fuck'? It was just too short, too simple. I even thought saying to someone 'you stupid idiot' would be so much more hurtful than 'you stupid fuck'. Because 'idiot' sounds so much more...sophisticated (for lack of a better word).
So I asked him what it meant. He whispered in my brother's ear. I could see that raised an eyebrow. Now I really wanted to know what the rudest, baddest word in the world meant. He looked at me, then at my brother. "Are you sure I can tell him? Are you sure you wanna know?"
"Yeah!" I yelled a little too loudly. All three of us looked around to make sure no one had eavesdropped or had entered (the locked room). One of them covered my mouth, the other put a finger to his lip. "SHHHHH! Your parents will kill us if they knew!"
Then he whispered it to me. "'Fuck' is when a guy puts his dick in a woman's vagina. That's also how babies are made!" And then he looked at us both squarely with his big, round eyes. "Don't ever say it in front of your parents or teachers. They'd probably cili your mouth, man! You can get into so much trouble." Again, I was underwhelmed. That's it? Just that? In my mind's eye I pictured a penis trying to squeeze into a camel toe (because back then that's as much about the vagina that I knew of).....and then suddenly a fetus appearing in the woman's belly. It's like the vagina was an on/off switch that can only be triggered by the penis, for some reason. And when it did, the baby started to grow. Brilliant, really, how the brain of the six/seven-year-old me ticked.
On top of the weird image I had in my head, the word 'fuck' still didn't make sense. Why was it rude if that's how babies are made? What made it so bad if it meant something that wasn't?
Well we've all come a pretty long way since then. And now 'fuck' is not just a verb, is it?
- It's a bad ass middle name: John 'Motherfuckin' Doe
- It's a noun: I don't give a fuck.
- It's an adjective: I'm going to fuckin' Amsterdam!
- It's an adverb: Fucking get out of here already.
- It's a good thing: That's cool as fuck and I want that!
- Yet also a bad thing: This is just fucked up.
- It's horrible: Oh, fuck.
- It's brilliant: Fuckin' A!
- It's everything: Do whatever the fuck you want.
- It's nothing: I see you've done the sum total of fuck all.
What a wonderful word.
