(500) Days of Summer
10 Things I Hate About You
10,000 B.C.
21 Grams
88 Minutes
A Bridge Too Far
American Pie Presents: Book of Love
Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
Apocalypse Now Redux
Australia
Avatar
Bart Got a Room
Basic Instinct
Body of Lies
Charlie Bartlett
Chaos Theory
Choke
The Cider House Rules
Definitely, Maybe
Die Hard
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Die Hard 3: Die Hard With A Vengeance
The Edge of Love
The Escapist
Everything Is Illuminated
Factory Girl
Fireflies in the Garden
Flash of Genius
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Havoc
The Hunt For Red October
The House Bunny
How To Lose Friends & Alienate People
In the Valley of Elah
Inglourious Basterds
The International
In Bruges
Interview
Interview With The Vampire
Kate & Leopold
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl
Last Chance Harvey
Little Nicky
Lymelife
Mamma Mia!
Marley & Me
Miss Congeniality
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
My Sister's Keeper
Never Forever
The Nines
The Orphan
P2
Paranormal Activity
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
The Mysteries of Pittsburgh
Powder Blue
Public Enemies
The Princess and The Frog
The Private Lives of Pippa Lee
Reality Bites
Requiem For A Dream
Serendipity
Shakespeare In Love
The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2
Step Brothers
Sunshine Cleaning
Sex Drive
Table For Three
Taken
The Taking of Pelham 123
The Time Traveler's Wife
Training Day
The Ugly Truth
Up
Up In The Air
The Wrestler
Year One
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Hibrid, Go Fuck Yourself!
This comes on the back of reading reports that Proton, with the help of Lotus, are developing hybrid cars to serve the Malaysian market by 2011. I have no qualms with that. Malaysians are comparatively horribly sensitive to changes in fuel price, and hybrids save fuel. Simple as that. Oh, and then there's the small matter of Lotus having a hand in the project too. So you know they won't fuck it up. They helped out with the Nissan GTR, for fuck's sake.
What irks me is that because I read the report in Malay, I had to face the torment of bastard words hibrid and prototaip. On a side note, let me just say I was pleased that they used the words pangkalan and pembekal instead of making up shit like hedkuarters and suplier. But saying that, however, is like saying, "Yes it is sad I have AIDS, but at least I don't have syphilis too". That's just being condescending--or would you fuckheads at DBP or whathaveyou call it kondesending? Us Malaysians--and more importantly, us Malays--shouldn't let our standards stoop so low. Bahasa kita, bai.
Anyway, why can't we think up new words? Of course it'd be odd to sit in a room and try and make up a totally random word to represent something. But in between the time of cavemen grunting and the word-stealing culture of today, surely people must have at some point, sat down and thought, "ah this makes me happy, I'll call it a 'beewy-meewy' just because". It could be an onomatopoeia: "it buzzes, let's call it a 'buzzer'!" Anything, really. You can't just have copied everything from someone else. There had to be independently thought out languages. This isn't a Moment of Creation debate for crying out loud. It's only words, not planets and the whole freaking universe.
Back to hybrids, now. It basically means 'a combination of two or more different things'. Well I guess if haiwan dua alam couldn't make the grade--those sellout assholes preferred amfibia instead, just so they'd not sound un-English--I doubt kereta kacukan would anyway. Sure, it may sound funny because you only ever associate kacukan with orchids, selembu and people of mixed race who aren't Chindian. But so was the word hybrid funny when you mentioned it in the same breath as cars before the Prius came to town.
Then again.....Proton Saga 1.0 Kacuk doesn't sound very appealing. But still.
I am no linguist. No shit. But as I have said many times, at this rate, Bahasa Melayu will be nothing more than just English with some of its Cs spelt as K, its 'tion' spelt 'syen', and a few more which I am sure any Malaysian can tell you. Of course the languages are fundamentally different. They have reversed Hukum DM, so in Malay you'd say 'kereta biru', but in English it'd be 'blue car'. So that in itself may just ensure that BM won't degenerate/corrode/evolve into English.
But the way these idiots just simply adopt a Malay spelling for English words, I can't help but think they'll find a way around the Hukum DM too.
What irks me is that because I read the report in Malay, I had to face the torment of bastard words hibrid and prototaip. On a side note, let me just say I was pleased that they used the words pangkalan and pembekal instead of making up shit like hedkuarters and suplier. But saying that, however, is like saying, "Yes it is sad I have AIDS, but at least I don't have syphilis too". That's just being condescending--or would you fuckheads at DBP or whathaveyou call it kondesending? Us Malaysians--and more importantly, us Malays--shouldn't let our standards stoop so low. Bahasa kita, bai.
Anyway, why can't we think up new words? Of course it'd be odd to sit in a room and try and make up a totally random word to represent something. But in between the time of cavemen grunting and the word-stealing culture of today, surely people must have at some point, sat down and thought, "ah this makes me happy, I'll call it a 'beewy-meewy' just because". It could be an onomatopoeia: "it buzzes, let's call it a 'buzzer'!" Anything, really. You can't just have copied everything from someone else. There had to be independently thought out languages. This isn't a Moment of Creation debate for crying out loud. It's only words, not planets and the whole freaking universe.
Back to hybrids, now. It basically means 'a combination of two or more different things'. Well I guess if haiwan dua alam couldn't make the grade--those sellout assholes preferred amfibia instead, just so they'd not sound un-English--I doubt kereta kacukan would anyway. Sure, it may sound funny because you only ever associate kacukan with orchids, selembu and people of mixed race who aren't Chindian. But so was the word hybrid funny when you mentioned it in the same breath as cars before the Prius came to town.
Then again.....Proton Saga 1.0 Kacuk doesn't sound very appealing. But still.
I am no linguist. No shit. But as I have said many times, at this rate, Bahasa Melayu will be nothing more than just English with some of its Cs spelt as K, its 'tion' spelt 'syen', and a few more which I am sure any Malaysian can tell you. Of course the languages are fundamentally different. They have reversed Hukum DM, so in Malay you'd say 'kereta biru', but in English it'd be 'blue car'. So that in itself may just ensure that BM won't degenerate/corrode/evolve into English.
But the way these idiots just simply adopt a Malay spelling for English words, I can't help but think they'll find a way around the Hukum DM too.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Are You Melayu?
1. Do you like teh tarik?
No.
2. Do you like durian?
No.
3. Would you buy a Proton?
Highly unlikely. Maybe.
Yes or no only.
No.
4. At home do you wear the kain pelekat?
No.
5. If someone suddenly slapped you, how would you melatah?
"What the fuck!"
6. a) Can you translate "gendang gendut tali kecapi" to English?
No.
b) Do you even know what thats mean in Malay?
No.
c) Do you care to find out its meaning now the topic has been brought up?
Kind of. Everyone knows the poem but nobody seems to know what it means.
Yes or no only.
No.
7. Do you balik kampung for Raya?
I don't have a... --No.
8. Do you speak more English or Malay at home?
English.
9. Are you at all pissed at the irony that these questions aren't in Malay?
Can't be arsed.
10. Do you make it a point to fly MAS?
I'm on a student's budg... --No.
11. Do you think national infrastructure like Touch 'n Go should have Malay names?
What, like Sentuh dan Berambus? Fuck, no!
12. Do you like Maggi goreng?
No.
13. Have you ever been part of an 'Enam Jahanam'-esque clique?
No.
14. Do you think the suffix 'Sdn. Bhd.' makes Malaysian companies look less fancy beside their peers with 'Pte. Ltd.' or 'Corp.'?
If every Malay company was named D'Something, yes.
Yes or no only.
No, with the exception of companies named D'Whatever.
15. a) How many Malay movies do you actually like?
Seven.
b) Discount P. Ramlee movies.
Two.
16. What about Malay TV shows?
None.
17. Do you miss nasi lemak?
Not that much.
Yes or no only.
No.
18. Have you ever wore a tengkolok?
No.
19. Have you ever wielded a real kris?
No.
20. Do you know any form of silat?
No.
21. Can you speak a different dialect of Malay?
No.
22. Do you like Milo?
No.
23. Do you agree with kapchais?
No.
24. Can you play the kompang?
No.
25. Your thoughts on rambutans?
A waste of time. Too much hassle, not much to chew.
*****
I can go on.
You see, what I have done here is depict myself as an asshole--someone who, should you be a kris-wielding Kelab UMNO Overseas member (or, God forbid, UMNO Youth), you would want to stab and then give a lecture about Ketuanan Melayu and culture and budaya and adat and much, much more. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. While many out there would easily testify as to how easy it is to make me look bad as a person, as a Malay, as a Malaysian, as a student, as a son, as a Muslim, as a Tartan--as whatever--you could ask these very questions to any average Malay out there and still obtain similar results of ignorance, a lack of respect and love for one's own kind, and that wretched 'tidak apa' attitude.
While there are many of you out there who would do so much, who would give so much for your own flesh and blood, for your own kin, for your own kind; please bear in mind that how you judge a person's ethnicity is not something that's remotely objective.
By asking the wrong questions, you yourself are the asshole for ignoring the more important things in life.
No.
2. Do you like durian?
No.
3. Would you buy a Proton?
Highly unlikely. Maybe.
Yes or no only.
No.
4. At home do you wear the kain pelekat?
No.
5. If someone suddenly slapped you, how would you melatah?
"What the fuck!"
6. a) Can you translate "gendang gendut tali kecapi" to English?
No.
b) Do you even know what thats mean in Malay?
No.
c) Do you care to find out its meaning now the topic has been brought up?
Kind of. Everyone knows the poem but nobody seems to know what it means.
Yes or no only.
No.
7. Do you balik kampung for Raya?
I don't have a... --No.
8. Do you speak more English or Malay at home?
English.
9. Are you at all pissed at the irony that these questions aren't in Malay?
Can't be arsed.
10. Do you make it a point to fly MAS?
I'm on a student's budg... --No.
11. Do you think national infrastructure like Touch 'n Go should have Malay names?
What, like Sentuh dan Berambus? Fuck, no!
12. Do you like Maggi goreng?
No.
13. Have you ever been part of an 'Enam Jahanam'-esque clique?
No.
14. Do you think the suffix 'Sdn. Bhd.' makes Malaysian companies look less fancy beside their peers with 'Pte. Ltd.' or 'Corp.'?
If every Malay company was named D'Something, yes.
Yes or no only.
No, with the exception of companies named D'Whatever.
15. a) How many Malay movies do you actually like?
Seven.
b) Discount P. Ramlee movies.
Two.
16. What about Malay TV shows?
None.
17. Do you miss nasi lemak?
Not that much.
Yes or no only.
No.
18. Have you ever wore a tengkolok?
No.
19. Have you ever wielded a real kris?
No.
20. Do you know any form of silat?
No.
21. Can you speak a different dialect of Malay?
No.
22. Do you like Milo?
No.
23. Do you agree with kapchais?
No.
24. Can you play the kompang?
No.
25. Your thoughts on rambutans?
A waste of time. Too much hassle, not much to chew.
*****
I can go on.
You see, what I have done here is depict myself as an asshole--someone who, should you be a kris-wielding Kelab UMNO Overseas member (or, God forbid, UMNO Youth), you would want to stab and then give a lecture about Ketuanan Melayu and culture and budaya and adat and much, much more. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. While many out there would easily testify as to how easy it is to make me look bad as a person, as a Malay, as a Malaysian, as a student, as a son, as a Muslim, as a Tartan--as whatever--you could ask these very questions to any average Malay out there and still obtain similar results of ignorance, a lack of respect and love for one's own kind, and that wretched 'tidak apa' attitude.
While there are many of you out there who would do so much, who would give so much for your own flesh and blood, for your own kin, for your own kind; please bear in mind that how you judge a person's ethnicity is not something that's remotely objective.
By asking the wrong questions, you yourself are the asshole for ignoring the more important things in life.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Soal Jawab Bersama Izati Ikram
Imi: kau tgh buat apa?
Shazwan: nothing much
Shazwan: kenapa, imi?
Shazwan: boleh saya bantu?
Imi: i saja je nak ask few questions
Shazwan: silakan
Imi: but u have to not do anything else, cooperate fully
Imi: boleh?
Imi: its actually really good.
Shazwan: not my fault kalau aku tetiba daydream but yeah boleh je
Imi: ok u have to give me the first thing that comes to mind ok
Imi: i trust u to not cheat
Shazwan: ya baiklah
Imi: ok
Shazwan: ha
Imi: so imagine yourself walking to this satu cahaya ni
Imi: mcm nmpk distant and all
Imi: you're heading towards it now
Shazwan: kau mimpi eh
Imi: whats your surrounding like?
Imi: concentrate!!
Imi: whats your surrounding like?
Imi: is it scary? seronok? environment mcm mana
Shazwan: on one side, nothing
Shazwan: the other side, mcm pantai
Imi: how do u feel?
Shazwan: i wont say scary, tapi terkejut sbb sorg2
Shazwan: lonely
Imi: i see
Imi: ok ok
Shazwan: tapi sangat tertarik dengan cahaya tu
Imi: so you're walking at this pantai one side and nothing the other
Imi: and you're still heading towards the light
Shazwan: no bukan one side
Shazwan: its like
Shazwan: its all a beach
Shazwan: tapi bila i blink
Shazwan: tetiba jadik lantai putih
Imi: hmmm ok2
Imi: ok2
Imi: so you're heading to this light
Imi: how about do u move forward (assume i didnt say you were walking)
Imi: running, walking, merangkak ke etc
Shazwan: jalan slow2
Shazwan: perhati surroundings
Shazwan: tryingto make out what, why, when
Shazwan: then lama2
Shazwan: laju sket
Imi: but you're concentrating to the light
Imi: remember that
Imi: focus you is the light
Shazwan: when i focus on the light, yes makin laju
Imi: ok2 good
Imi: ok
Imi: then you move forward lagi
Imi: berjalan dgn laju
Imi: suddenly you jumpa flower/bunga
Imi: describe mcm mana rupa dia
Shazwan: yellow
Shazwan: and black
Shazwan: tgh2 dia where the bees will hinggap its hijau2
Imi: is it lawa/harum etc
Imi: the appeal
Shazwan: bau takde
Shazwan: bunyi pun takde (the whole thing, not just bunga)
Imi: ok
Shazwan: nampak lawa
Imi: ok ok
Shazwan: sbb its so empty then tetiba ada bunga
Imi: would you pick it up and bring the bunga with you in your journey?
Shazwan: entah
Shazwan: takut doh dgn lebah tu
Imi: so not significant la?
Shazwan: its significant in that it tells me im on the right path
Imi: but would you pick it up
Shazwan: (dalam gila jwpn aku)
Imi: tak payah pikir complex sgt shazwan
Imi: hehe
Shazwan: i'd just go up close and take a look at it
Imi: ok
Imi: so u tinggalkan the bunga
Imi: and you move forward lagi
Shazwan: haah
Imi: laju and laju
Imi: and then suddenly
Imi: u jumpa pasu bunga pulak
Imi: how would u describe the pasu
Shazwan: pasu biasa
Imi: does it look expensive? murah? lawa? besar?
Shazwan: yg ada 3 lubang kat bawah
Imi: the typical pasu?
Shazwan: yes
Shazwan: kecik je
Imi: i see
Imi: would u bring it with you?
Shazwan: (kalau jwpn tu describes penis size, aku nak tukar jadi tempayan pls)
Imi: jgn pikir mcm tu
Imi: u have to answer without thinking the implication whatsoever
Imi: so that's the first jawapan kau, i dont care. hehe
Imi: would u bring it with you in your journey to the light?
Shazwan: no
Shazwan: aku belek2 je and blah
Imi: i seeee
Imi: okay okay
Imi: so u left the pasu bunga there
Imi: and move forward laju2
Imi: and then suddenly
Imi: jumpa la tasik/sungai/tempat berair
Imi: describe how the environment is
Shazwan: sungai
Imi: and what would you do the first moment you set eyes on the place
Shazwan: byk rumput
Shazwan: banyak batu
Shazwan: ada pohon renek
Shazwan: aku pergi basuh muka
Imi: ok
Imi: how do you feel?
Imi: when seeing the place
Shazwan: sangat happy
Shazwan: macam nak skip ard and throw flowers all over the place
Imi: i see
Imi: okay2
Imi: meriah2
Imi: ok and then u leave the wonderful place behind...
Imi: pastu jalan2 lagi
Imi: dah nak sampai this light that uve been focusing on
Imi: rupa2nya
Imi: after u dah lepas the light, it's your house, apa perasaan u
Imi: nice/not nice/exciting etc
Shazwan: kecewa sikit
Shazwan: tapi lepas tu happy la sbb its home
Shazwan: not HAPPY happy
Shazwan: but yknow how theres no plc like homw
Imi: okay
Imi: so you're in front of your home
Imi: your own home tau. bukan mcm your parents punya ke apa ke
Shazwan: ha ok
Imi: how's the gate like?
Shazwan: hitam and plain
Imi: is it tall?
Shazwan: and ada like kayu on it
Shazwan: not overly tall
Imi: medium?
Shazwan: just as tall as a person
Imi: kira average la?
Imi: i see
Imi: is it locked?
Shazwan: ada remote control la!
Imi: i see. automatic
Shazwan: apa kelas gate besar2 kena bukak sdiri
Imi: okay2
Imi: ok so you passed your gate
Imi: how do you get to the door? is it like straight on je ke? on the right/left ke? naik turun bukit ke? how is it like?
Imi: ke kena pass any fountain ke
Shazwan: driveway biasa
Shazwan: straight ahead pintu masuk
Imi: driveway tu tak jauh la? ke jauh?
Shazwan: dekat je
Imi: mcm biasa je la?
Shazwan: like 3 cars bk to bk
Imi: i see okay2
Shazwan: mcm kau punya kat kajang
Imi: ok so you're in front of your front door
Shazwan: pintu kayu
Imi: describe the style and type of the KNOB
Shazwan: jenis yg solid
Shazwan: bukan hollow
Shazwan: its the lever type
Imi: stylish ke?
Shazwan: besi no less
Shazwan: minimalist design
Imi: ade ukir? besi biasa je ke
Imi: i see
Shazwan: tanak fancy2
Imi: i see
Imi: okay2 good
Imi: so u dah bukak dah pintu depan rumah u ni
Imi: bukak2 u jumpa monster!
Imi: adakah monster ini scary atau tidak
Shazwan: wtf is your problem
Imi: rupa dia mcm mana
Shazwan: tak dia comel mcm cookie monster
Shazwan: nampak palat gila
Shazwan: selekeh
Shazwan: tapi sebenarnya sgt baik dan budiman
Imi: i see
Imi: so what do u think of the monster ni
Imi: u like or dislike ke apa
Imi: takut ke
Shazwan: suka la
Imi: suka ke
Imi: suka la?
Imi: ok2
Imi: so u said to this comel monster
Imi: what are u doing in my house?
Imi: the monster said, when u were out, i took care of the house tauuuu..
Imi: what's your reaction? what would u do afterwards?
Shazwan: belai dia dgn indah
Shazwan: ckp thanks
Imi: would u keep it? treat it?
Shazwan: of course
Imi: or send it away ke apa ke
Imi: so it'll stay with you
Imi: ?
Shazwan: kalau dia takde tempat lain
Shazwan: okla
Imi: i see
Imi: okay
Imi: thats the endd
Imi: u wanna know what's the meaning of all the questions?
Shazwan: apa?
Shazwan: mesti lgsg takde
Imi: ada
Imi: the light is actually your marriage
Imi: the 1st question was environment tu kan
Imi: thats how u feel about getting married
Imi: the flower is your first love
Imi: thats your impression on your first love, and since you tak take it with you, then you're not
Imi: the pasu is, harta barang orang.
Imi: kononnya, jodoh u tu mula2 orang punya, tapi since u tak amik, then maknanya jodoh u bukan la orang punyaaa
Imi: and then after that apa ek?
Imi: oowh sungai
Shazwan: tak paham jodoh part
Imi: that's the feeling of your first night
Imi: pasu part
Shazwan: mula2 org punya
Imi: ?
Shazwan: i tak amek
Imi: so that means u tak merampas la
Imi: let's say u take the pasu, that means u merampas milik orang lain
Shazwan: oh so my jodoh isn't someone else's la?
Shazwan: duhh what kind of an asshole steals someone else's
Imi: meaning, masa u meet your jodoh
Imi: was she someone else's when u knew her etc
Imi: i took the pasu. :D if it implies on syidin then its true :D
Imi: anyway
Imi: back to your sungai
Imi: thats the feeling of your first night
Shazwan: what did i say?
Shazwan: oh
Imi: (kawan aku jawab dia jumpa tasik, dia hisap rokok dulu sblm terjun)
Shazwan: ceria sampai campak2 bunga
Imi: haha
Imi: yup2
Imi: ok lepas tu u jumpa the light and u find out its just a house
Imi: thats the feeling WHEN ure getting married
Imi: mcm u said, best, so expectations are met
Imi: some ppl say like, cheh rumah jeeeee.
Imi: meaning to say mcm they think marriage would be much greater la kononnya
Imi: pastu your gate is your privacy of your marriage
Imi: if it's high, high privacy, yours is medium so i guess ok la kut?
Imi: automatic lagi tu
Imi: (kawan i takda gate ok)
Shazwan: kau tak faham perasaan aku
Shazwan: gate kau manual
Imi: whatever
Imi: gate aku tak manual ok
Imi: anywayyyyy
Shazwan: kat kajang?
Shazwan: manual
Shazwan: jgn nak tipu
Imi: no its not
Imi: yaAllah
Shazwan: hmm
Imi: pernah ke nmpk aku keluar rumah bukakkan gate utk kau
Shazwan: thats what i remember
Imi: takda kerja aku
Imi: anyway
Imi: jgn divert pls
Imi: how to get to your front door implies on something mcm how ppl can see how your marriage is la lebih kurang
Imi: even though ada privacy and all that, but where the front door is implies on whether ure predictable or not
Imi: something like that
Imi: (ada my friend ni sampai kena naik bukit pusing2 mcm rumah dracula, dia kata)
Imi: haha
Shazwan: so aku ni predictable la?
Imi: but yea, mine is to the right skekk je
Imi: yea la kut
Shazwan: tu sbb mcm rumah kajang kau
Imi: sbb mcm depan2
Imi: tula
Imi: dah tu aku pikir how my house will be
Imi: anyway
Shazwan: monster tu bini bila dah tua?
Imi: pastu the door knob implies on your tahap 'materialistic' in ur marriage
Shazwan: oh door knob
Shazwan: lupa
Imi: ada orang pilih crystal, gold, sungguh materialistic
Imi: but since urs is just biasa2 je, then it'll be simple
Shazwan: kau sure pilih gold 24k kan
Imi: aku pilih silver :D
Imi: ok pastu the monster is actually your mak mentua
Shazwan: cis
Shazwan: apsal mak mentua
Imi: why shes a monster is because mcm 'orang asing' dlm your house
Shazwan: i see
Imi: your parents would be asing to you, your siblings wont be, so the most popular non-close family would be your mak mentua
Imi: parents wouldnt, sorry
Imi: so the impression u have on the monster is the same as to your mak mentua
Imi: comel mak mentua kau kan
Imi: selekeh plak tu
Imi: :D
Imi: lepas tu u said you'll say thanks, treat her, and let her stay with u
Shazwan: cis
Imi: bagus
Imi: :D
Imi: but yea, these are questions from fazilah kamsah. and majority mmg true
Imi: my friend pernah tanya his newlywed friends
Imi: mmg everyone knows how they're like, how he's a bit uninterested to her
Imi: sebelum kahwin ada main dua etc
Imi: so both bunga and pasu dia kutip skali dgn dia
Imi: rumah takda gate, pintu depan2
Imi: nak ke light, merangkak2
Imi: jumpa light ckp e'elehhhh
Imi: stuff like that la
Imi: but up to you to believe it or not. it may just be to reflect how u are ke apa ke. so far jawapan anda semua ok
Imi: hehe
Imi: kawan aku kata monster tu banyak tanduk, banyak mata, banyak gigi semua tajam2
Imi: pastu scary gila
Imi: pastu bila dia ckp dia jaga rumah, he said 'i dont fucking care! get out of my house!'
Imi: hahaha
Imi: ada kawan aku lagi sorang kata nak go mandi bogel dalam tasik
Shazwan: i bet tua nanti dia adore gila inlaw dia
Imi: haha tula
Imi: all kinds of answer yg aku tak expect langsung la
Shazwan: dah berapa byk org kau tanya?
Shazwan: and apa motif kau tanya semua org?
Imi: a few la jugak. belas2
Shazwan: sibuk gila hal org lain
Imi: saja, for funnnn
Imi: mcm la kau dah kahwin
Imi: mcm la kalau kau kawin next year pun i wont remember la all this
Imi: i dont even remember all my answers
Shazwan: bongok gila
Imi: so aku takdala nak ingat jawapan smorang
Imi: takde keje aku
Imi: my brain needs space for other stuff. not for ppl's marriage
Shazwan: hmm\
Shazwan: so its just marriage and perception of in law la?
Imi: yeap2
Shazwan: initially aku ingat kau mimpi kau kejar cahaya
Imi: what the heck
Imi: aku kurang mimpir pelik2 skrg
Imi: byk mimpi scary2 je
Shazwan: kau tetiba dtg tanya aku "ok you're chasing a light"
Shazwan: aku lagi patut tanya wtf
Imi: hahahahhhahaha
Imi: i know, agak random
Shazwan: nothing much
Shazwan: kenapa, imi?
Shazwan: boleh saya bantu?
Imi: i saja je nak ask few questions
Shazwan: silakan
Imi: but u have to not do anything else, cooperate fully
Imi: boleh?
Imi: its actually really good.
Shazwan: not my fault kalau aku tetiba daydream but yeah boleh je
Imi: ok u have to give me the first thing that comes to mind ok
Imi: i trust u to not cheat
Shazwan: ya baiklah
Imi: ok
Shazwan: ha
Imi: so imagine yourself walking to this satu cahaya ni
Imi: mcm nmpk distant and all
Imi: you're heading towards it now
Shazwan: kau mimpi eh
Imi: whats your surrounding like?
Imi: concentrate!!
Imi: whats your surrounding like?
Imi: is it scary? seronok? environment mcm mana
Shazwan: on one side, nothing
Shazwan: the other side, mcm pantai
Imi: how do u feel?
Shazwan: i wont say scary, tapi terkejut sbb sorg2
Shazwan: lonely
Imi: i see
Imi: ok ok
Shazwan: tapi sangat tertarik dengan cahaya tu
Imi: so you're walking at this pantai one side and nothing the other
Imi: and you're still heading towards the light
Shazwan: no bukan one side
Shazwan: its like
Shazwan: its all a beach
Shazwan: tapi bila i blink
Shazwan: tetiba jadik lantai putih
Imi: hmmm ok2
Imi: ok2
Imi: so you're heading to this light
Imi: how about do u move forward (assume i didnt say you were walking)
Imi: running, walking, merangkak ke etc
Shazwan: jalan slow2
Shazwan: perhati surroundings
Shazwan: tryingto make out what, why, when
Shazwan: then lama2
Shazwan: laju sket
Imi: but you're concentrating to the light
Imi: remember that
Imi: focus you is the light
Shazwan: when i focus on the light, yes makin laju
Imi: ok2 good
Imi: ok
Imi: then you move forward lagi
Imi: berjalan dgn laju
Imi: suddenly you jumpa flower/bunga
Imi: describe mcm mana rupa dia
Shazwan: yellow
Shazwan: and black
Shazwan: tgh2 dia where the bees will hinggap its hijau2
Imi: is it lawa/harum etc
Imi: the appeal
Shazwan: bau takde
Shazwan: bunyi pun takde (the whole thing, not just bunga)
Imi: ok
Shazwan: nampak lawa
Imi: ok ok
Shazwan: sbb its so empty then tetiba ada bunga
Imi: would you pick it up and bring the bunga with you in your journey?
Shazwan: entah
Shazwan: takut doh dgn lebah tu
Imi: so not significant la?
Shazwan: its significant in that it tells me im on the right path
Imi: but would you pick it up
Shazwan: (dalam gila jwpn aku)
Imi: tak payah pikir complex sgt shazwan
Imi: hehe
Shazwan: i'd just go up close and take a look at it
Imi: ok
Imi: so u tinggalkan the bunga
Imi: and you move forward lagi
Shazwan: haah
Imi: laju and laju
Imi: and then suddenly
Imi: u jumpa pasu bunga pulak
Imi: how would u describe the pasu
Shazwan: pasu biasa
Imi: does it look expensive? murah? lawa? besar?
Shazwan: yg ada 3 lubang kat bawah
Imi: the typical pasu?
Shazwan: yes
Shazwan: kecik je
Imi: i see
Imi: would u bring it with you?
Shazwan: (kalau jwpn tu describes penis size, aku nak tukar jadi tempayan pls)
Imi: jgn pikir mcm tu
Imi: u have to answer without thinking the implication whatsoever
Imi: so that's the first jawapan kau, i dont care. hehe
Imi: would u bring it with you in your journey to the light?
Shazwan: no
Shazwan: aku belek2 je and blah
Imi: i seeee
Imi: okay okay
Imi: so u left the pasu bunga there
Imi: and move forward laju2
Imi: and then suddenly
Imi: jumpa la tasik/sungai/tempat berair
Imi: describe how the environment is
Shazwan: sungai
Imi: and what would you do the first moment you set eyes on the place
Shazwan: byk rumput
Shazwan: banyak batu
Shazwan: ada pohon renek
Shazwan: aku pergi basuh muka
Imi: ok
Imi: how do you feel?
Imi: when seeing the place
Shazwan: sangat happy
Shazwan: macam nak skip ard and throw flowers all over the place
Imi: i see
Imi: okay2
Imi: meriah2
Imi: ok and then u leave the wonderful place behind...
Imi: pastu jalan2 lagi
Imi: dah nak sampai this light that uve been focusing on
Imi: rupa2nya
Imi: after u dah lepas the light, it's your house, apa perasaan u
Imi: nice/not nice/exciting etc
Shazwan: kecewa sikit
Shazwan: tapi lepas tu happy la sbb its home
Shazwan: not HAPPY happy
Shazwan: but yknow how theres no plc like homw
Imi: okay
Imi: so you're in front of your home
Imi: your own home tau. bukan mcm your parents punya ke apa ke
Shazwan: ha ok
Imi: how's the gate like?
Shazwan: hitam and plain
Imi: is it tall?
Shazwan: and ada like kayu on it
Shazwan: not overly tall
Imi: medium?
Shazwan: just as tall as a person
Imi: kira average la?
Imi: i see
Imi: is it locked?
Shazwan: ada remote control la!
Imi: i see. automatic
Shazwan: apa kelas gate besar2 kena bukak sdiri
Imi: okay2
Imi: ok so you passed your gate
Imi: how do you get to the door? is it like straight on je ke? on the right/left ke? naik turun bukit ke? how is it like?
Imi: ke kena pass any fountain ke
Shazwan: driveway biasa
Shazwan: straight ahead pintu masuk
Imi: driveway tu tak jauh la? ke jauh?
Shazwan: dekat je
Imi: mcm biasa je la?
Shazwan: like 3 cars bk to bk
Imi: i see okay2
Shazwan: mcm kau punya kat kajang
Imi: ok so you're in front of your front door
Shazwan: pintu kayu
Imi: describe the style and type of the KNOB
Shazwan: jenis yg solid
Shazwan: bukan hollow
Shazwan: its the lever type
Imi: stylish ke?
Shazwan: besi no less
Shazwan: minimalist design
Imi: ade ukir? besi biasa je ke
Imi: i see
Shazwan: tanak fancy2
Imi: i see
Imi: okay2 good
Imi: so u dah bukak dah pintu depan rumah u ni
Imi: bukak2 u jumpa monster!
Imi: adakah monster ini scary atau tidak
Shazwan: wtf is your problem
Imi: rupa dia mcm mana
Shazwan: tak dia comel mcm cookie monster
Shazwan: nampak palat gila
Shazwan: selekeh
Shazwan: tapi sebenarnya sgt baik dan budiman
Imi: i see
Imi: so what do u think of the monster ni
Imi: u like or dislike ke apa
Imi: takut ke
Shazwan: suka la
Imi: suka ke
Imi: suka la?
Imi: ok2
Imi: so u said to this comel monster
Imi: what are u doing in my house?
Imi: the monster said, when u were out, i took care of the house tauuuu..
Imi: what's your reaction? what would u do afterwards?
Shazwan: belai dia dgn indah
Shazwan: ckp thanks
Imi: would u keep it? treat it?
Shazwan: of course
Imi: or send it away ke apa ke
Imi: so it'll stay with you
Imi: ?
Shazwan: kalau dia takde tempat lain
Shazwan: okla
Imi: i see
Imi: okay
Imi: thats the endd
Imi: u wanna know what's the meaning of all the questions?
Shazwan: apa?
Shazwan: mesti lgsg takde
Imi: ada
Imi: the light is actually your marriage
Imi: the 1st question was environment tu kan
Imi: thats how u feel about getting married
Imi: the flower is your first love
Imi: thats your impression on your first love, and since you tak take it with you, then you're not
Imi: the pasu is, harta barang orang.
Imi: kononnya, jodoh u tu mula2 orang punya, tapi since u tak amik, then maknanya jodoh u bukan la orang punyaaa
Imi: and then after that apa ek?
Imi: oowh sungai
Shazwan: tak paham jodoh part
Imi: that's the feeling of your first night
Imi: pasu part
Shazwan: mula2 org punya
Imi: ?
Shazwan: i tak amek
Imi: so that means u tak merampas la
Imi: let's say u take the pasu, that means u merampas milik orang lain
Shazwan: oh so my jodoh isn't someone else's la?
Shazwan: duhh what kind of an asshole steals someone else's
Imi: meaning, masa u meet your jodoh
Imi: was she someone else's when u knew her etc
Imi: i took the pasu. :D if it implies on syidin then its true :D
Imi: anyway
Imi: back to your sungai
Imi: thats the feeling of your first night
Shazwan: what did i say?
Shazwan: oh
Imi: (kawan aku jawab dia jumpa tasik, dia hisap rokok dulu sblm terjun)
Shazwan: ceria sampai campak2 bunga
Imi: haha
Imi: yup2
Imi: ok lepas tu u jumpa the light and u find out its just a house
Imi: thats the feeling WHEN ure getting married
Imi: mcm u said, best, so expectations are met
Imi: some ppl say like, cheh rumah jeeeee.
Imi: meaning to say mcm they think marriage would be much greater la kononnya
Imi: pastu your gate is your privacy of your marriage
Imi: if it's high, high privacy, yours is medium so i guess ok la kut?
Imi: automatic lagi tu
Imi: (kawan i takda gate ok)
Shazwan: kau tak faham perasaan aku
Shazwan: gate kau manual
Imi: whatever
Imi: gate aku tak manual ok
Imi: anywayyyyy
Shazwan: kat kajang?
Shazwan: manual
Shazwan: jgn nak tipu
Imi: no its not
Imi: yaAllah
Shazwan: hmm
Imi: pernah ke nmpk aku keluar rumah bukakkan gate utk kau
Shazwan: thats what i remember
Imi: takda kerja aku
Imi: anyway
Imi: jgn divert pls
Imi: how to get to your front door implies on something mcm how ppl can see how your marriage is la lebih kurang
Imi: even though ada privacy and all that, but where the front door is implies on whether ure predictable or not
Imi: something like that
Imi: (ada my friend ni sampai kena naik bukit pusing2 mcm rumah dracula, dia kata)
Imi: haha
Shazwan: so aku ni predictable la?
Imi: but yea, mine is to the right skekk je
Imi: yea la kut
Shazwan: tu sbb mcm rumah kajang kau
Imi: sbb mcm depan2
Imi: tula
Imi: dah tu aku pikir how my house will be
Imi: anyway
Shazwan: monster tu bini bila dah tua?
Imi: pastu the door knob implies on your tahap 'materialistic' in ur marriage
Shazwan: oh door knob
Shazwan: lupa
Imi: ada orang pilih crystal, gold, sungguh materialistic
Imi: but since urs is just biasa2 je, then it'll be simple
Shazwan: kau sure pilih gold 24k kan
Imi: aku pilih silver :D
Imi: ok pastu the monster is actually your mak mentua
Shazwan: cis
Shazwan: apsal mak mentua
Imi: why shes a monster is because mcm 'orang asing' dlm your house
Shazwan: i see
Imi: your parents would be asing to you, your siblings wont be, so the most popular non-close family would be your mak mentua
Imi: parents wouldnt, sorry
Imi: so the impression u have on the monster is the same as to your mak mentua
Imi: comel mak mentua kau kan
Imi: selekeh plak tu
Imi: :D
Imi: lepas tu u said you'll say thanks, treat her, and let her stay with u
Shazwan: cis
Imi: bagus
Imi: :D
Imi: but yea, these are questions from fazilah kamsah. and majority mmg true
Imi: my friend pernah tanya his newlywed friends
Imi: mmg everyone knows how they're like, how he's a bit uninterested to her
Imi: sebelum kahwin ada main dua etc
Imi: so both bunga and pasu dia kutip skali dgn dia
Imi: rumah takda gate, pintu depan2
Imi: nak ke light, merangkak2
Imi: jumpa light ckp e'elehhhh
Imi: stuff like that la
Imi: but up to you to believe it or not. it may just be to reflect how u are ke apa ke. so far jawapan anda semua ok
Imi: hehe
Imi: kawan aku kata monster tu banyak tanduk, banyak mata, banyak gigi semua tajam2
Imi: pastu scary gila
Imi: pastu bila dia ckp dia jaga rumah, he said 'i dont fucking care! get out of my house!'
Imi: hahaha
Imi: ada kawan aku lagi sorang kata nak go mandi bogel dalam tasik
Shazwan: i bet tua nanti dia adore gila inlaw dia
Imi: haha tula
Imi: all kinds of answer yg aku tak expect langsung la
Shazwan: dah berapa byk org kau tanya?
Shazwan: and apa motif kau tanya semua org?
Imi: a few la jugak. belas2
Shazwan: sibuk gila hal org lain
Imi: saja, for funnnn
Imi: mcm la kau dah kahwin
Imi: mcm la kalau kau kawin next year pun i wont remember la all this
Imi: i dont even remember all my answers
Shazwan: bongok gila
Imi: so aku takdala nak ingat jawapan smorang
Imi: takde keje aku
Imi: my brain needs space for other stuff. not for ppl's marriage
Shazwan: hmm\
Shazwan: so its just marriage and perception of in law la?
Imi: yeap2
Shazwan: initially aku ingat kau mimpi kau kejar cahaya
Imi: what the heck
Imi: aku kurang mimpir pelik2 skrg
Imi: byk mimpi scary2 je
Shazwan: kau tetiba dtg tanya aku "ok you're chasing a light"
Shazwan: aku lagi patut tanya wtf
Imi: hahahahhhahaha
Imi: i know, agak random
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Aku 'Kan Bertahan
Asalnya aku takut,
Aku terkilan;
Asik fikir aku tak dapat hidup tanpamu di sisiku;
Tapi banyaklah malam aku fikir,
Betapa kau sangat jahat,
Aku jadi kuat,
Aku terus hidup sihat
Kau pulang dari,
angkasa lepas;
Aku balik lihat engkau
Muka monyok konon kesal;
Aku patut tukar mangga,
Kau patut tinggalkan kunci;
Kalaulah ku dapat agak aku 'kan dikacaui
Pergilah, pergi!
K'luar dari sini!
Sila kau pusing!
Kehadiranmu tak disenangi
Bukan ke kau yang nak menyakiti aku
Apa, kau pikir ku jatuh?
Kau pikir hatiku musnah begitu?
Oh, langsung tak!
Aku 'kan tahan;
Selagi ku tahu cinta,
Ku pasti ku 'kan bertahan;
Panjang lagi hidup aku,
Banyak lagi cinta aku,
Dan aku 'kan tahan,
Aku 'kan tahan;
Yeah-eah!
Banting tulang empat kerat,
Supaya ku tabah;
Dengan gigihnya ku baiki
Hati yang patah;
Entahlah berapa malam
Aku merungut seorang;
Dulu kememeh!
Kini ku yakin je lebih;
Kau lihatku,
Orang baru,
Aku takkan terpikat dengan
Janji manismu;
Dan kau singgah seketika,
Mengharap ku layanimu,
Cintaku hanya untuk si dia,
yang menyintai aku
Aku terkilan;
Asik fikir aku tak dapat hidup tanpamu di sisiku;
Tapi banyaklah malam aku fikir,
Betapa kau sangat jahat,
Aku jadi kuat,
Aku terus hidup sihat
Kau pulang dari,
angkasa lepas;
Aku balik lihat engkau
Muka monyok konon kesal;
Aku patut tukar mangga,
Kau patut tinggalkan kunci;
Kalaulah ku dapat agak aku 'kan dikacaui
Pergilah, pergi!
K'luar dari sini!
Sila kau pusing!
Kehadiranmu tak disenangi
Bukan ke kau yang nak menyakiti aku
Apa, kau pikir ku jatuh?
Kau pikir hatiku musnah begitu?
Oh, langsung tak!
Aku 'kan tahan;
Selagi ku tahu cinta,
Ku pasti ku 'kan bertahan;
Panjang lagi hidup aku,
Banyak lagi cinta aku,
Dan aku 'kan tahan,
Aku 'kan tahan;
Yeah-eah!
Banting tulang empat kerat,
Supaya ku tabah;
Dengan gigihnya ku baiki
Hati yang patah;
Entahlah berapa malam
Aku merungut seorang;
Dulu kememeh!
Kini ku yakin je lebih;
Kau lihatku,
Orang baru,
Aku takkan terpikat dengan
Janji manismu;
Dan kau singgah seketika,
Mengharap ku layanimu,
Cintaku hanya untuk si dia,
yang menyintai aku
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Difference A Penis Makes - Part I
As I was taking a piss in NJ's bathroom, she spoke to me from her room.
NJ: Kau kencing ke apa?
Me: Kencing.
NJ: Apasal takde bunyi?
Me: Kau tengah cakap dengan aku, dia jadi segan.
NJ: Oh, hahaha bodoh. Eh, nanti aku nak paint the wall that you're looking at. Kau rasa OK tak?
Me: Why would you wanna do that? There's the jamban, the sink, the cabinet. Dahla leceh nak get into all the tight spaces, surely the paint will get on the sides of the cabinet and all. Baik kau cat dinding tepi ni--ada towel rack je.
NJ: Eh, tak la! That wall you're facing mana ada apa-apa, that's the easiest! It only has the door frame and the light switch. Yang tepi tu leceh jugak sebab ada jamban.
Me: But the wall I'm facing...
NJ: ...is the easiest, I have NOTHING to deal with!
Me: The wall I'm facing has everything to deal with. You do know I piss standing up, kan?
NJ: Kau kencing ke apa?
Me: Kencing.
NJ: Apasal takde bunyi?
Me: Kau tengah cakap dengan aku, dia jadi segan.
NJ: Oh, hahaha bodoh. Eh, nanti aku nak paint the wall that you're looking at. Kau rasa OK tak?
Me: Why would you wanna do that? There's the jamban, the sink, the cabinet. Dahla leceh nak get into all the tight spaces, surely the paint will get on the sides of the cabinet and all. Baik kau cat dinding tepi ni--ada towel rack je.
NJ: Eh, tak la! That wall you're facing mana ada apa-apa, that's the easiest! It only has the door frame and the light switch. Yang tepi tu leceh jugak sebab ada jamban.
Me: But the wall I'm facing...
NJ: ...is the easiest, I have NOTHING to deal with!
Me: The wall I'm facing has everything to deal with. You do know I piss standing up, kan?
Friday, October 16, 2009
In All Honesty...
In all honesty, I have fallen. A long time ago, in fact. And have never been able to stand up again. Perhaps I have, but not as tall as I ever did before. I have been hiding so much, concealing so much. So much so that it's now a habit, this mask I wear as I am among others. When was the last time you truly felt happy? Perhaps 'happy' is misleading. When was the last time you woke up and not thought "please just let this day end"? It would be silly to say every day is worse than the day before. But in all honesty, I hope with all my heart that this day would end, just so that it'll be tomorrow. Because tomorrow is much closer to next week. Which is much closer to next month. Which would mean I'd be much closer to 2010, Senior year, graduation (if that happens), work, and whatever the hell comes after that. And yet I am not saying I merely want school to be over with. I wanted that so badly back in high school, and what has that brought me? Despite all it's deprivations, I actually enjoyed school. Or at least I didn't feel so out of my skin while I was there. You try hard to find your footing--in my case, I take years; I won't be surprised if I only learn to accept my life as it is right now the day before I am due to return for good. Then one day you lose it all, and you're back at square one and before you is a mountain to climb which you just look at and think it's just too much. Not now; gimme a while, perhaps. Or maybe you even try to find the right motivation. And you spend so long quipping yourself at base camp you actually make a life out of it and conveniently forgo doing what you initially intended to. Obviously, it's a confidence thing or perhaps an ego thing. Seeing those you thought equal or below you now better off; seeing people do shit while you waste your life ruing missed chances.
Upbringing. I have always been in schools and societies where I have been trained to not be the failure. Look at how people frown upon the idiots who can't do their homework, who fail in school, who can't get all A's in public exams. I may sound a tad arrogant there, but back when your eardrums were burning from everything your teachers had to instill in you, that was your bread and butter. Do you seriously think we do well just because we want to? Well right there we have an incentive to do well just so as to not be the flop, the disappointment, the loser. Hardly the ideal reason for learning. Perhaps going to a so-called elite school has scarred my perception of those who chose other vocations instead, those who choose to bring home the bacon with their hands instead of their heads. But then again, it's just normal for society to frown upon school dropouts and those who do things different.
Religion. Do I pray five times a day? In all honesty, no. There are too many questions, too many doubts. I don't doubt the existence of a higher power, of God and Heaven and all of that. But I haven't been doing what is expected of me, and then an exam comes and I want to say a little prayer and think 'only in times of hardship do I turn to You', and out of embarrassment, stop. When we go out, and you say "hey let's go to the surau", I don't avoid the situation because I am anti-Islam. If I join you, it's because I don't want to look like an asshole when compared next to you. Hardly the ideal niat for a prayer. I want it to come from within, like it did a few years ago. But nothing comes from within unless you nurture it. And finding a means of doing just that without anything/anyone patronizing, or forceful or insincere--that is my goal in terms of the spiritual as of now. Or at least it should be.
White lies. I don't believe in them. You tell one thinking it's nothing but it's a slippery slope and you soon realize one stupid little detail is now ready to screw you over. One day, many years ago, I chose not to. I chose honesty. Which is why I tell you what I think you should know. Which is also why I told her everything, despite knowing the outcome. Not the smartest thing to do, you may say. Sure, I could have withheld some things, twisted this and that a little to make it seem more presentable. I can't live with that; knowing you or everyone else happily thinking everything's peachy when there really is a catch. As far as I'm concerned, there's an elephant in my room and that needs to be addressed. But ultimately you know you can't lie to yourself. Perhaps transparency is just my thing. Maybe I like knowing people's intentions and their feelings on a certain issue because, having once been given the benefit of the doubt, I now know how easily one could misinterpret a situation. And from that, I in turn try to make myself as clear as possible so you won't hear "B" when I say "A". But seriously, if I told you I enjoyed your company, I don't see any reason why I made that up, and I probably said so because I want you to know that. If I told you I appreciate something you did; same thing there. If I said I wanted this or needed that--I don't ask people for much, but when I do, it's usually no joke. If I told you I set you apart, or that I think you're different or that you're special, or just plain bodoh, that would be because I am convinced it's true. If I told you I love you, or indeed abhor you--two words I choose carefully before speaking them--in all honesty, I meant that with all my heart.
Mistakes. I regret them all. But what I deem a mistake, may not seem one to you. And what you deem as one may not seem like one to me. Perhaps I was too hard in telling people to not be so "in your face" about things. Yes, we're all hyped about the new changes in our lives (the better ones, at least). But ultimately, as brilliant as we think whatever we have is, others have pretty much something similar. Universities, for example, will all have lawns and quads and dorms and libraries and statues of some honorable person. Fine, yours may not have a fence that's painted every day, or a leaning metal pole with people walking on them, but surely it has its own idiosyncrasies. Perhaps my mistake is in being a hypocrite: in doing what I hate, practicing what I preach against. I guess even writing this in itself is a form of hypocrisy on my part. I hate this, I really do. If someone else wrote it, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about it. Ranting about your troubles. Other people have theirs too, tak kecoh pun, etc., etc. No, this isn't a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Do not assume this will happen on a regular basis. I just need a medium to let some things out.
Cheating. I once sneaked to the bathroom to review notes during an exam. On another occasion, a friend and I took the easy way out by taking pictures of exam papers before the exam. That's, it really. And maybe playing the game cheat, or bluff, or bullshit. I make a horrible liar. I can't even get on a bus with someone else's ID. I can plan a lie for someone else--a very good one at that--but when it comes to executing it myself, I fail miserably. Which brings me to the issue of loyalty. Yes, it is a virtue. But only if you do so by forgoing something else that's rather valuable. If you are loyal just because you try as best you can and time and again fail at infidelity, then you shouldn't be lauded. You're an asshole, and a pathetic one at that. And the sad thing is that maybe I am headed in the direction of becoming the aforementioned pathetic asshole. Who knows?
Loss. How many close ones have died? For as far back as I can remember, I lost both maternal grandparents. My grandmother was bedridden for years before that, and I wasn't quite close to my grandfather either. When they died, it was...just an occasion. It didn't have an impact on me as it should have on others. It's been years now, and everyone who matters to me are still fine and dandy. I have always had this feeling that I am somehow incomplete for not knowing this darker, morbid side of life. How people can be there one day, and lie six feet under the next. And this feeling extends to other forms of loss too. Of how a parent can just up and run away. Of the dynamics of families in broken homes, or even polygamous families. I am not saying that these are interesting and that I want a piece of the action too. Far from it. Of those I know who are part of one or more of the above, they actually seem the happiest people of all. But if you peel away the layers, you can see that deep down inside is concealed a very delicate, scarred creature. But they stand up and live another day; they live carrying their sad truths along with 'em 24/7. What I am interested here is:
Cynicism. It's a good thing, really. For one, I would rather think you an asshole and feel embarrassed and have to eat my own words later on if/when you prove me wrong. Instead of thinking such wonderful things about you, only to be let down by your shortcomings. Cynicism is actually enlightening. It helps you see what you wouldn't usually see. Take me for example: I will never jaywalk. Do you think that's down to me being a toilet-trained law-abiding citizen? Hell, no. I listen to my iPod wherever I go on foot. If the sign says 'Don't Walk', I don't walk in fear of getting hit by a bus. Not because the policeman will catch you and scold you. Or the law says so. Or just because. Ambiguity is in every single little thing we do. No one's a true altruist. In whatever case you can think of, there will always be something in it for so-called budak baik. Besides, it is very easy for people to conceal their thoughts or their intentions. Their faces may betray their what their heart feels. You'll never know if someone has a hidden agenda, an ulterior motive or a hidden ace up his sleeve. Sure, it's not always a bad thing, but sometimes we fail to see these things and find ourselves feeling a tad bit used or tricked in the end. I'm not asking you to be an insecure prick; just be aware of things that you find don't add up properly.
Names. Seriously, people. Spell it right. Especially your friends' names. And say it right too. Mikaeels, don't sell out and let people call you Michael instead. This is a fundamental aspect of respect: get your shit right in hopes that the level-headed others get theirs right too. Names are extremely personal. Some names come with a bit of history in it, be it a lineage or simple in memory of someone great. I already hate you if you think it's okay to not be too perfect when it comes to this. Yes, the world is such a colorful place and it's all down to variety. You can choose to be different, as long as it's not wrong. If I said "I need to go home", and someone else wanted to say the same thing but not repeat me verbatim, he could say "I got to head back". But if you wanted in on our little farewell and chose to be different by saying "Yeah, I need go back", then you are just asking for a punch in the face. Sure what you say will be implied as meaning the same. But it isn't, is it? Languages have their structure and grammar for a reason. Of course it's not always straight forward to grasp at, but you still do things the right way because that's how they intended it to be, whoever they may be. Names are just like that. Unless you're physically challenged and are unable to pronounce the S or the R or the L, then fine.
Dayus. Don't be. One minute you're in love and everything's so perfect you're practically hopping around throwing flowers everywhere. Next, you're a bitter son of a bitch, who never really said all those things, who really quite regrets the whole time spent together, who really wishes it never happen at all. Don't be like that. On top of making yourself look/sound like a total idiot, you lose your self-respect, your integrity. If something that seemed so real could be written off as nothing much (or nothing at all), who's to say you're friendships right now aren't just as hollow, should something happen? What are we, exactly? --who are we? The Way I See It, you take everything you've ever seen, heard, said and done, add to that everyone you've met and everything you know--that is who you are. Your past defines you. If you want to go around denying something, or indeed someone, ultimately you are denying a part of yourself. Sometimes we look back on ourselves and burn with embarrassment, or get filled with rage at the fact that we were once so stupid. That's good. It's good that we acknowledge our actions, our responsibilities.
I admit there is hardly any continuity in terms of sticking to the main topic. But in all honesty, I don't give a rat's ass about what you may think.
Upbringing. I have always been in schools and societies where I have been trained to not be the failure. Look at how people frown upon the idiots who can't do their homework, who fail in school, who can't get all A's in public exams. I may sound a tad arrogant there, but back when your eardrums were burning from everything your teachers had to instill in you, that was your bread and butter. Do you seriously think we do well just because we want to? Well right there we have an incentive to do well just so as to not be the flop, the disappointment, the loser. Hardly the ideal reason for learning. Perhaps going to a so-called elite school has scarred my perception of those who chose other vocations instead, those who choose to bring home the bacon with their hands instead of their heads. But then again, it's just normal for society to frown upon school dropouts and those who do things different.
Religion. Do I pray five times a day? In all honesty, no. There are too many questions, too many doubts. I don't doubt the existence of a higher power, of God and Heaven and all of that. But I haven't been doing what is expected of me, and then an exam comes and I want to say a little prayer and think 'only in times of hardship do I turn to You', and out of embarrassment, stop. When we go out, and you say "hey let's go to the surau", I don't avoid the situation because I am anti-Islam. If I join you, it's because I don't want to look like an asshole when compared next to you. Hardly the ideal niat for a prayer. I want it to come from within, like it did a few years ago. But nothing comes from within unless you nurture it. And finding a means of doing just that without anything/anyone patronizing, or forceful or insincere--that is my goal in terms of the spiritual as of now. Or at least it should be.
White lies. I don't believe in them. You tell one thinking it's nothing but it's a slippery slope and you soon realize one stupid little detail is now ready to screw you over. One day, many years ago, I chose not to. I chose honesty. Which is why I tell you what I think you should know. Which is also why I told her everything, despite knowing the outcome. Not the smartest thing to do, you may say. Sure, I could have withheld some things, twisted this and that a little to make it seem more presentable. I can't live with that; knowing you or everyone else happily thinking everything's peachy when there really is a catch. As far as I'm concerned, there's an elephant in my room and that needs to be addressed. But ultimately you know you can't lie to yourself. Perhaps transparency is just my thing. Maybe I like knowing people's intentions and their feelings on a certain issue because, having once been given the benefit of the doubt, I now know how easily one could misinterpret a situation. And from that, I in turn try to make myself as clear as possible so you won't hear "B" when I say "A". But seriously, if I told you I enjoyed your company, I don't see any reason why I made that up, and I probably said so because I want you to know that. If I told you I appreciate something you did; same thing there. If I said I wanted this or needed that--I don't ask people for much, but when I do, it's usually no joke. If I told you I set you apart, or that I think you're different or that you're special, or just plain bodoh, that would be because I am convinced it's true. If I told you I love you, or indeed abhor you--two words I choose carefully before speaking them--in all honesty, I meant that with all my heart.
Mistakes. I regret them all. But what I deem a mistake, may not seem one to you. And what you deem as one may not seem like one to me. Perhaps I was too hard in telling people to not be so "in your face" about things. Yes, we're all hyped about the new changes in our lives (the better ones, at least). But ultimately, as brilliant as we think whatever we have is, others have pretty much something similar. Universities, for example, will all have lawns and quads and dorms and libraries and statues of some honorable person. Fine, yours may not have a fence that's painted every day, or a leaning metal pole with people walking on them, but surely it has its own idiosyncrasies. Perhaps my mistake is in being a hypocrite: in doing what I hate, practicing what I preach against. I guess even writing this in itself is a form of hypocrisy on my part. I hate this, I really do. If someone else wrote it, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about it. Ranting about your troubles. Other people have theirs too, tak kecoh pun, etc., etc. No, this isn't a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Do not assume this will happen on a regular basis. I just need a medium to let some things out.
Cheating. I once sneaked to the bathroom to review notes during an exam. On another occasion, a friend and I took the easy way out by taking pictures of exam papers before the exam. That's, it really. And maybe playing the game cheat, or bluff, or bullshit. I make a horrible liar. I can't even get on a bus with someone else's ID. I can plan a lie for someone else--a very good one at that--but when it comes to executing it myself, I fail miserably. Which brings me to the issue of loyalty. Yes, it is a virtue. But only if you do so by forgoing something else that's rather valuable. If you are loyal just because you try as best you can and time and again fail at infidelity, then you shouldn't be lauded. You're an asshole, and a pathetic one at that. And the sad thing is that maybe I am headed in the direction of becoming the aforementioned pathetic asshole. Who knows?
Loss. How many close ones have died? For as far back as I can remember, I lost both maternal grandparents. My grandmother was bedridden for years before that, and I wasn't quite close to my grandfather either. When they died, it was...just an occasion. It didn't have an impact on me as it should have on others. It's been years now, and everyone who matters to me are still fine and dandy. I have always had this feeling that I am somehow incomplete for not knowing this darker, morbid side of life. How people can be there one day, and lie six feet under the next. And this feeling extends to other forms of loss too. Of how a parent can just up and run away. Of the dynamics of families in broken homes, or even polygamous families. I am not saying that these are interesting and that I want a piece of the action too. Far from it. Of those I know who are part of one or more of the above, they actually seem the happiest people of all. But if you peel away the layers, you can see that deep down inside is concealed a very delicate, scarred creature. But they stand up and live another day; they live carrying their sad truths along with 'em 24/7. What I am interested here is:
- How they've dealt with it, and;
- How it's made them stronger.
Cynicism. It's a good thing, really. For one, I would rather think you an asshole and feel embarrassed and have to eat my own words later on if/when you prove me wrong. Instead of thinking such wonderful things about you, only to be let down by your shortcomings. Cynicism is actually enlightening. It helps you see what you wouldn't usually see. Take me for example: I will never jaywalk. Do you think that's down to me being a toilet-trained law-abiding citizen? Hell, no. I listen to my iPod wherever I go on foot. If the sign says 'Don't Walk', I don't walk in fear of getting hit by a bus. Not because the policeman will catch you and scold you. Or the law says so. Or just because. Ambiguity is in every single little thing we do. No one's a true altruist. In whatever case you can think of, there will always be something in it for so-called budak baik. Besides, it is very easy for people to conceal their thoughts or their intentions. Their faces may betray their what their heart feels. You'll never know if someone has a hidden agenda, an ulterior motive or a hidden ace up his sleeve. Sure, it's not always a bad thing, but sometimes we fail to see these things and find ourselves feeling a tad bit used or tricked in the end. I'm not asking you to be an insecure prick; just be aware of things that you find don't add up properly.
Names. Seriously, people. Spell it right. Especially your friends' names. And say it right too. Mikaeels, don't sell out and let people call you Michael instead. This is a fundamental aspect of respect: get your shit right in hopes that the level-headed others get theirs right too. Names are extremely personal. Some names come with a bit of history in it, be it a lineage or simple in memory of someone great. I already hate you if you think it's okay to not be too perfect when it comes to this. Yes, the world is such a colorful place and it's all down to variety. You can choose to be different, as long as it's not wrong. If I said "I need to go home", and someone else wanted to say the same thing but not repeat me verbatim, he could say "I got to head back". But if you wanted in on our little farewell and chose to be different by saying "Yeah, I need go back", then you are just asking for a punch in the face. Sure what you say will be implied as meaning the same. But it isn't, is it? Languages have their structure and grammar for a reason. Of course it's not always straight forward to grasp at, but you still do things the right way because that's how they intended it to be, whoever they may be. Names are just like that. Unless you're physically challenged and are unable to pronounce the S or the R or the L, then fine.
Dayus. Don't be. One minute you're in love and everything's so perfect you're practically hopping around throwing flowers everywhere. Next, you're a bitter son of a bitch, who never really said all those things, who really quite regrets the whole time spent together, who really wishes it never happen at all. Don't be like that. On top of making yourself look/sound like a total idiot, you lose your self-respect, your integrity. If something that seemed so real could be written off as nothing much (or nothing at all), who's to say you're friendships right now aren't just as hollow, should something happen? What are we, exactly? --who are we? The Way I See It, you take everything you've ever seen, heard, said and done, add to that everyone you've met and everything you know--that is who you are. Your past defines you. If you want to go around denying something, or indeed someone, ultimately you are denying a part of yourself. Sometimes we look back on ourselves and burn with embarrassment, or get filled with rage at the fact that we were once so stupid. That's good. It's good that we acknowledge our actions, our responsibilities.
I admit there is hardly any continuity in terms of sticking to the main topic. But in all honesty, I don't give a rat's ass about what you may think.
A Touching Farewell
41 years to date (Kuala Kangsar – Prep School MCKK)
On the 4th January 1968
I meet this lad from Kelantan at the gate
Small of build, fair and Afro head?...
Hair not black like us but brown instead
His speech was eloquent In English so fluent.
A lad from Kelantan?
Where English was hardly spoken!
Friends we became
And the journey began
In school that bred A brotherhood of men
Off to England we then went
Student life all hell bent
Never for a minute did we falter
For us the challenge was itself an adventure
We returned with ideals and wanting change
But change came, to us instead
Little that we know what lie ahead
Family and fatherhood was laying in wait
As our children grew
Their lives entwined
Into the fabric that we designed
Now their lives and ours become one
For them, their journeys too had just begun
You did so much in short a time
Exceeded in every goals put on the line
You left a legacy for all to see
On every highway and roads we will remember thee
Now you left us with only memories
Your calling came so early
We will miss you in all we do
Until then my dearest friend adieu
(Al-Fatihah 1955 - 2009 – Dato’ Dr. Ramli Mohammad)
Azizan Pilus
On the 4th January 1968
I meet this lad from Kelantan at the gate
Small of build, fair and Afro head?...
Hair not black like us but brown instead
His speech was eloquent In English so fluent.
A lad from Kelantan?
Where English was hardly spoken!
Friends we became
And the journey began
In school that bred A brotherhood of men
Off to England we then went
Student life all hell bent
Never for a minute did we falter
For us the challenge was itself an adventure
We returned with ideals and wanting change
But change came, to us instead
Little that we know what lie ahead
Family and fatherhood was laying in wait
As our children grew
Their lives entwined
Into the fabric that we designed
Now their lives and ours become one
For them, their journeys too had just begun
You did so much in short a time
Exceeded in every goals put on the line
You left a legacy for all to see
On every highway and roads we will remember thee
Now you left us with only memories
Your calling came so early
We will miss you in all we do
Until then my dearest friend adieu
(Al-Fatihah 1955 - 2009 – Dato’ Dr. Ramli Mohammad)
Azizan Pilus
Friday, October 2, 2009
First CouchSurfing Experience
If you've never heard of CouchSurfing.com, well it's a website where you search for (people's) couches/beds/floors to stay the night, instead of staying at a hostel or dorm or hotel. You sign up, and basically do the standard social networking site thing, except you also put up a description of what you have to offer--beds, sleeping bags, floor, couch, etc. I found out about this website when I was in Austin, Texas with Danial. Signing in at the Muséo Americano Smithsonian, we had quite a long talk with the guard manning the desk. He's a Vietnam vet, and had a peculiar interest in Muslims. Or "Moslems" as he says it. Anyway, from suicide bombers to malaria, the conversation somehow got to CouchSurfing and I checked it out as soon as I got back to Pittsburgh.
Three months later I got my first CouchSurf request. Three guys from Kansas City, Missouri are up for a drive, just because. His profile had some pretty good ratings, housemate gives the okay, so I thought "why not?". They drove to two other cities before Pittsburgh, CouchSurfing in each too. They had a red '91 Chevy Cavalier which they bought for $800. One of 'em said it made sense because they always travel together and the car only has three working doors. "Little Red", as they called it, proved an able vehicle.
When they arrived in Pittsburgh, I was pretty surprised (and a tad bit worried). At first glance, one guy looked pretty decent but had tattooed arms, another guy looked like the Big Show, the other guy looked like a stereotypical redneck. But they were all pretty nice people (if you can tell from all but a handshake and greeting). I brought them to Primanti Bros. for a sandwich they won't forget in quite a while. Big Show got excited. Despite being in a tiny car for hours, he was enthusiastic about it, and was telling us how he saw it on TV once. I don't think I've ever seen anyone unimpressed by a Primanti Bros. sandwich, and these three really enjoyed theirs. They told me about Arthur Bryants in St. Loius; apparently, that barbecue house just throws everything on a paper in a basket, and just roll it up and serve you. That does sound enticing.
They asked me what was great to do at night so I brought them up Mt. Washington. We couldn't take the incline because Big Show was afraid of heights (hahaha). This is the umpteenth time I take people on this guided tour of my adopted city and I just like how people are awe-struck by the view up there. We then drove to the North Shore to see the stadiums and get a look at the submarine USS Requin by the Carnegie Science Center. They kinda liked the South Side which we passed by earlier, so we headed there to bar hop. We settled at a place interestingly named 'The Bar' and they had a few drinks before we headed back. At my apartment, there was only one space available to park and the idiot in front wasted so much space so we had to go in and out nine times. It was amazing, really. Once snug inside the space, the car was actually half an inch from the car in front and less than three from the car behind. Respect.
They weren't exactly minimalist. Each had huge backpacks, one had Dell's version of the Toughbook with a Verizon 3G internet thingy, one was the official photographer. The laptop weighed what felt like ten pounds; it's "designed for an eight foot drop".
The next morning I had class, so I gave them directions to Pamela's for breakfast. As I finished class, they just got off the Just Ducky Tours just to see the city in the day, and were on their way to the Andy Warhol Museum. They wanted to meet up just to say thanks and grab a bite before they left for Cleveland. We drove to Squirrel Hill to get something akin to fried chicken and once we parked one of them smelled "something deep fried and delicious". We walked around trying to follow the smell, sniffing down one street after another, but then it started raining so we just went to Mineo's for pizza and cannoli.
What I guess I could take some good things from their short stay. Don't judge the book by the cover. You can never really tell this to yourself enough--people will always prove you wrong. Never assume anything. You never know what you'll end up doing, and with whom. Bar hopping, eighteen-point parallel parking, sniffing streets for the smell of something "deep fried and delicious". Sometimes it's nice having an injection of the unknown in your life. Things tend to be boring after you've settled into a rhythm or a routine, so rediscovering places with accompanying virgin eyes is really fun.
Already looking forward to my next Surfer.
Three months later I got my first CouchSurf request. Three guys from Kansas City, Missouri are up for a drive, just because. His profile had some pretty good ratings, housemate gives the okay, so I thought "why not?". They drove to two other cities before Pittsburgh, CouchSurfing in each too. They had a red '91 Chevy Cavalier which they bought for $800. One of 'em said it made sense because they always travel together and the car only has three working doors. "Little Red", as they called it, proved an able vehicle.
When they arrived in Pittsburgh, I was pretty surprised (and a tad bit worried). At first glance, one guy looked pretty decent but had tattooed arms, another guy looked like the Big Show, the other guy looked like a stereotypical redneck. But they were all pretty nice people (if you can tell from all but a handshake and greeting). I brought them to Primanti Bros. for a sandwich they won't forget in quite a while. Big Show got excited. Despite being in a tiny car for hours, he was enthusiastic about it, and was telling us how he saw it on TV once. I don't think I've ever seen anyone unimpressed by a Primanti Bros. sandwich, and these three really enjoyed theirs. They told me about Arthur Bryants in St. Loius; apparently, that barbecue house just throws everything on a paper in a basket, and just roll it up and serve you. That does sound enticing.
They asked me what was great to do at night so I brought them up Mt. Washington. We couldn't take the incline because Big Show was afraid of heights (hahaha). This is the umpteenth time I take people on this guided tour of my adopted city and I just like how people are awe-struck by the view up there. We then drove to the North Shore to see the stadiums and get a look at the submarine USS Requin by the Carnegie Science Center. They kinda liked the South Side which we passed by earlier, so we headed there to bar hop. We settled at a place interestingly named 'The Bar' and they had a few drinks before we headed back. At my apartment, there was only one space available to park and the idiot in front wasted so much space so we had to go in and out nine times. It was amazing, really. Once snug inside the space, the car was actually half an inch from the car in front and less than three from the car behind. Respect.
They weren't exactly minimalist. Each had huge backpacks, one had Dell's version of the Toughbook with a Verizon 3G internet thingy, one was the official photographer. The laptop weighed what felt like ten pounds; it's "designed for an eight foot drop".
The next morning I had class, so I gave them directions to Pamela's for breakfast. As I finished class, they just got off the Just Ducky Tours just to see the city in the day, and were on their way to the Andy Warhol Museum. They wanted to meet up just to say thanks and grab a bite before they left for Cleveland. We drove to Squirrel Hill to get something akin to fried chicken and once we parked one of them smelled "something deep fried and delicious". We walked around trying to follow the smell, sniffing down one street after another, but then it started raining so we just went to Mineo's for pizza and cannoli.
What I guess I could take some good things from their short stay. Don't judge the book by the cover. You can never really tell this to yourself enough--people will always prove you wrong. Never assume anything. You never know what you'll end up doing, and with whom. Bar hopping, eighteen-point parallel parking, sniffing streets for the smell of something "deep fried and delicious". Sometimes it's nice having an injection of the unknown in your life. Things tend to be boring after you've settled into a rhythm or a routine, so rediscovering places with accompanying virgin eyes is really fun.
Already looking forward to my next Surfer.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Quotes of the Week (And Then Some)
"I'm sorry, what's the date today?"
-- Cheerleader sitting beside me on September 11th.
"kau dah 21.xyah lancap2 lg.sana free country.cari je partner.haha:-P.berkat bday kau manu mng. bagus2:-)"
-- You know who you are.
"Dan sebab ini lah maruah saya tercalar, sebab saya tahu dia akan masih ingat lagi warna, bentuk, pattern, brand dan SIZE coli yang saya TERtinggal dalam vannya selepas lawatan kami ke PD tempoh hari. Cis bedebah."
-- NJ telling the whole world what I had tried to keep secret. FWIW NJ, you don't need to know it to know they're respectable.
"I can't hook up with her. No way, she's my Pythagorian."
-- It's PLATONIC, you dumbass.
"Dulu masa kau tukar, masih senang lagi, so justified la aku gelakkan kau. Sekarang susah macam sial, so lain cerita."
-- Nik telling Shekha to not laugh at his decision to change majors.
"fuck...there are WAY too many Malays there."
-- Fariz on RIT's Raya celebrations.
"City-United wajib doh. Sembahyang Raya sunat je."
-- Danial (City 'Till I Die) Ariff
"Damn!"
-- Me, after seeing someone eat a quesadilla for lunch.
"DAMN!"
-- Me, after realizing it's not Puasa no more.
"Melayu suka (perempuan) muda."
-- Aunty Azidah
"In ten years you'll be 31, and financially stable. She'll be 18 by then. EIGHTEEN. Dah legal tuu!"
-- Kak Haniza speculating about me and someone's daughter.
"Ala, Akak dah malas dah nak melawa. In terms of looks, sekarang ni for his eyes only. Mata dia pulak bukannya cekap mana. Kalau pakai baju sama five days straight pun takpe. Tudung tukar la lain, brooch pun tukar. Dia dah anggap lain."
"haha ok at this point any phone is better than her phone"
-- Hafizah Omar on Dian's robust Nokia
"Dian, how can you actually misspell qwerty?"
"If Kanye stole the mic, can Taylor really be called Swift?"
-- Cheerleader sitting beside me on September 11th.
"kau dah 21.xyah lancap2 lg.sana free country.cari je partner.haha:-P.berkat bday kau manu mng. bagus2:-)"
-- You know who you are.
"Dan sebab ini lah maruah saya tercalar, sebab saya tahu dia akan masih ingat lagi warna, bentuk, pattern, brand dan SIZE coli yang saya TERtinggal dalam vannya selepas lawatan kami ke PD tempoh hari. Cis bedebah."
-- NJ telling the whole world what I had tried to keep secret. FWIW NJ, you don't need to know it to know they're respectable.
"I can't hook up with her. No way, she's my Pythagorian."
-- It's PLATONIC, you dumbass.
"Dulu masa kau tukar, masih senang lagi, so justified la aku gelakkan kau. Sekarang susah macam sial, so lain cerita."
-- Nik telling Shekha to not laugh at his decision to change majors.
"fuck...there are WAY too many Malays there."
-- Fariz on RIT's Raya celebrations.
"City-United wajib doh. Sembahyang Raya sunat je."
-- Danial (City 'Till I Die) Ariff
"Damn!"
-- Me, after seeing someone eat a quesadilla for lunch.
"DAMN!"
-- Me, after realizing it's not Puasa no more.
"Melayu suka (perempuan) muda."
-- Aunty Azidah
"In ten years you'll be 31, and financially stable. She'll be 18 by then. EIGHTEEN. Dah legal tuu!"
-- Kak Haniza speculating about me and someone's daughter.
"Ala, Akak dah malas dah nak melawa. In terms of looks, sekarang ni for his eyes only. Mata dia pulak bukannya cekap mana. Kalau pakai baju sama five days straight pun takpe. Tudung tukar la lain, brooch pun tukar. Dia dah anggap lain."
"haha ok at this point any phone is better than her phone"
-- Hafizah Omar on Dian's robust Nokia
"Dian, how can you actually misspell qwerty?"
"If Kanye stole the mic, can Taylor really be called Swift?"
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Nonexistent Secret Diary of August 24 & 25 2009
[The following are excerpts from the nonexistent and rather secret diary of the first two days of Fall 2009. It documents the first two days of my being a Junior, as well as every class I am registered for.]
Monday, August 24
It's 4:00AM. Nik knocks on the door but I'm already awake. Sahur. I make some toast and make a cheese sandwich. Mm, cheddar. Nik is on facebook. He has the internet. How? Cable kena potong and everybody's wifi is secure. Talipon dia AT&T, so ada 3G. Shit. T-Mobile janji 3G in Pittsburgh hujung tahun ni. Fine. Not that desperate pun. I think. Well, I hope I'm not. I eat slow and before I know it, it's time. Syabas, sayang. Tau pun puasa kat sini lagi lama and you only eat a measly sandwich. And you know you're jetlagged so you'll be awake the whole time you fast. Bagus.
It's 7:26AM and I wake up. I am 34 minutes quicker than my alarm clock. Or the clock is 34 minutes late. Useless piece of sh... - no. It's the jetlag isn't it? Well, yes...maybe. Class, class, class! ♫ ♬ It's been such a long time, I think I should be going. Time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin' ♫ ♬ I jump into the shower. Cibai kia, body wash dah nak habis. Shampoo pulak ada orang tambah air. Bodoh. Bebal. Geram sial. I can feel the water flow down my face differently because I'm frowning. Berus gigi, berus gigi, berus gigi. Ahh, my darling electric berus. Oh, how I love that sensation of your whole jaw vibrating. Bzzt. Bzzt. Heee. Bzzt.
What time is class? 9:30? Don't know, don't care. I'll go early and use the interweb on campus. Hidup = taik, when you don't have the internet. What can a PC do without the net? Main Solitaire.....pish. I get dressed. Hmm, kasut mana gets the honor of Day One? Oh, fuck it, ambik je la yang ni. As I enter the elevator I choose a playlist on the iPod to temankan me for the 15 minutes or so to campus. I choose "macam jatuh cinta macam tu ♥". Dah lama tak dengar.
Ah, a PC. I check my e-mail. 22 new, 59 spam. The inbox-spam ratio is still near 1:3. Whoop-dee-doo. I read the news. I watch all five Man Utd goals against Wigan; hebat sial Berbatov, hebat sial Owen. I did the whole net registration thing for my darling talipon's wifi. Wee-fee. Hahahaha. "Do you have wee-fee?" like that guy in the hostel in Boston. Silly man. Hahaha. Scheduleman, scheduleman, scheduleman! Hmm, says here Arabic 3 starts at 10:30. Sejam lagi nak buat bodoh. I do up the whole calendar thing on my phone so for the next 16 weeks I get an alarm before every single class.
10:10AM and I'm the first in class.
Modolu walks in and sits between us. Disturb leaf. Tapi at least ada kawan. No, that's being condescending. He's still a friend regardless where he sat. Takpe, lusa jumpa lagi. Ajak dia naik Mt. Washington, jom? Hmm. I've always wanted to try that ice cream parlor up there. Tapi puasa. Taik ah. Ah, here comes Ustaz Ethan. He had a bad week which culminated in both his dogs dying hours apart, he says. His tone and posture says it all and we're all sympathetic for the three of them. Eric Berryman comes in and speaks like a true Arab. His ع sounds so...authentic. Aku sebut pun tak sepekat tu. And his doesn't sound forced. And it was only two years ago I was helping him out with the al-Fatihah. He comes to shake my hand. What? You're the MSA Vice President? Daym. Everyone does the introductions. I can't speak for shit. I'm last so I plan to say something funny to lighten the mood. "Ana la as-habah fii Pittsburgh wa ana fi'lan wahid"; that's probably very wrong but we is all still speak breaken Arab. Hmm. That might work. My turn comes. For some reason I can't even say "I study in Carnegie Mellon" or even "Economics". Ethan thinks I'm very rusty so he ends the session after two sentences. Everyone else did at least four.
Modolu and I go and see the new Gates Building. Lawa gila babi, tapi no signage so everyone's lost. We go to the bookstore. There's a new mug design. Lawa. Biasanya hodoh, so I buy it. I check my campus mail and apparently that Visual Bookshelf survey thing on facebook which promised to send the novel 'Huge' was telling the truth. I got it free of charge.
12:30PM and it's time for Programming with Alice and Java. Professor tua, and she says it'll be an extremely slow class so opt for a higher level kalau bosan. I need the A, thank you very much. And yes, bosan gila but I can deal with it.
1:30PM and I'm free. Do I go home? Why not. Singgah bank jap. Takmau pegang cash banyak sangat. At home, I find an iklan for Comcast college specials cable. Immediate activation. I call and they said five minutes they'd be there. I hear a knock so I open the door. It's just the neighbor leaving. I close the door but he says something angrily. I open it again and he asks me "Why is it every time I get out, you people open the door?" I told him I'm expecting someone but he angrily says "Fine" and walks away. Anak dia bising, ketuk pintu macam orang gila, I don't complain. In fact most times, they knock so hard we think it's our door. Muka pun ketat gila. Boo.
I do the whole sign up thing. They say they can only offer 10 Mbps, six less than I had. Takde hal. Tomorrow I shall have the internet. Waiting. More than five hours to buka, and at least 24 more to TV and the net. I reformat the computer because my Windows is bisu and start installing everything that doesn't require the internet for activation or updates. Nik gets back from doing his SSN. We call the newbies and tell 'em let's meet up for buka. The plan was to meet at 7:45PM. I read, I sleep. I wake up past 8:00PM. We walk to Tandoor and meet the new kids. Kedai ni kasi nasi sikit gila tapi nasib baik kenyang. Aishah mistakenly bought a Chinese-made SciPhone from Ebay. I don't know whether to be amazed at how good they are at copying, or laugh at her for being ripped off. Perhaps silence is best. I am still jetlagged so I go to bed once I get back home.
Tuesday, August 23
It is 4:00AM and I'm up. Berlengas so I take a shower. It's late now so I make some toast and fry an egg. It's too panas, so I open a cup of yogurt. It's frozen pulak, so masuk microwave. I down a glass of lemon pomegranate juice which really tastes like serai. I finish up just in time. I try, but by 7:30AM I can't sleep anymore. I grab my phone and play Tetris. Can I break 60,000? I fail miserably twice. Today is the heaviest of all five days: three 90-minute seminars and one hour-long recitation. I read 'The Hours'. It's just so painful to read. Some genius decided to write about how Virginia Woolf's life affected the story line of her book 'Mrs. Dalloway', which in turn affected a reader's (Mrs. Brown) life. But he won an award and it became a movie starring Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore. No. If I had bought it, I would have chucked it away a long time ago. Tapi ni Aunty Dayah yang bayarkan masa kat RIT. Kena baca sampai habis. It's the least I could do for her. I walk to class; iPod setia di sisi, sambung playlist semalam.
9:00AM and it's Advanced Micro. Megan walks in. I say hi and she waves back. Dia duduk depan. Dulu dia duduk belakang, kat sini. Ada kawan dia kot depan tu. No, dia duduk sorang. Cis. Professor walks in and talks about--what else?--economics. I don't know my shit. I struggle to integrate a simple function. Apparently junior year ni, you'll be applying all the sampah you learned in the past two years. Ah. Heavy weightage on finals. Taik.
10:20AM and I immediately head to the computer cluster for Alice recitation. Dia ajar cemana nak download and install. I am officially the second oldest person in this class. The oldest being some guy who is probably somebody's dad. Everyone else is either a freshman, sophomore or an over-achieving highschooler.
I have a half hour to kill so I lounge about outside the next classroom and check my e-mail.
1:30PM and I'm applying for the same goddamned Telefund job. Paling senang masuk, konon. But it is, however, paling senang keluar. I don't need a job, I just need the SSN. This is the fourth time I filled in that wretched form. It is also the fourth supervisor I've met.
By 2:30PM I'm done so I walk around The Cut and look at posters and buy three. E-Cow-Nomics. Peter vs. The Giant Chicken. 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Did you know Chuck Norris could slam shut a revolving door? Or that the only way he shaves is by kicking himself in the face, because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris? There are second hand books. I buy 'Snow' by Orhan Pamuk. The seller is miffed because he wanted to read it, too. Siapa suruh jual, kalau nak baca? Baghal.
3:00PM and it's everybody's favorite class: Stats. The instructor (remember, he told us not to call him 'professor' because he isn't one) takes down our respective height, gender and continent data and tells us to hand in a three-page report. "About what?" just about everybody asks. "Whatever you can think of." Nice. Just nice, really. Cool girl with funky orange punk hair wants to eat an apple but is shy of the noise she'll make. We all cough every time she takes a bite. She laughs more than she chews. I walk home. PC boleh diupdate and diinstall macam-macam benda.
4:45PM and I'm home. The TV has a picture. But Nik says there's no internet. And we only got 6 Mbps. And it's registered under MOHANNA SHAZWON BINAZIZAN. Seriously, what the fuck is the point of filling out forms in block letters if they're gonna fuck it up by spelling it over the phone to another agent in their call center? We finally get it running. I get my first IM, "ha aku online dulu!" from Nik 36 minutes after he sent it. I had to download YM dulu, kan. I do the whole reverse process of backup. My IM chat archives, the 9 GB of songs, the whole toilet MP3 player thing. Most importantly my iTunes play count and playlists. I don't know why, but they mean the world to me. Took me months to make those playlists and edit every MP3's ID3 tag so that the artiste's name and album and song title are all spelled correctly. All 2,424 of 'em.
I lost track of time and it's now 7:45PM. We rush to the ICP for buka. Tak semeriah last year but anything free is just as good. No. That's condescending. People aren't giving as much as they used to. Maybe economy teruk? Or harga naik? I ask if the hot drink is coffee or tea. It's just too black and thick for tea, yet too brown for coffee. An old guy opens the lid, points to the thick black liquid inside and says it's obviously tea while he rolls his eyes. Obviously. I take a sip. Tea. The kind that gives you sembelit. We walk back home. I study Arabic a little as I do the laundry. Belum tiga hari dah kena basuh dua load. It rained in Newark and Philly when we were flying in. Cemana air hujan boleh masuk suitcase? Bengap. I try to stay up to fight the jetlag. By 1:00AM I give up.
Besok kelas Arab, heeee~
Monday, August 24
It's 4:00AM. Nik knocks on the door but I'm already awake. Sahur. I make some toast and make a cheese sandwich. Mm, cheddar. Nik is on facebook. He has the internet. How? Cable kena potong and everybody's wifi is secure. Talipon dia AT&T, so ada 3G. Shit. T-Mobile janji 3G in Pittsburgh hujung tahun ni. Fine. Not that desperate pun. I think. Well, I hope I'm not. I eat slow and before I know it, it's time. Syabas, sayang. Tau pun puasa kat sini lagi lama and you only eat a measly sandwich. And you know you're jetlagged so you'll be awake the whole time you fast. Bagus.
It's 7:26AM and I wake up. I am 34 minutes quicker than my alarm clock. Or the clock is 34 minutes late. Useless piece of sh... - no. It's the jetlag isn't it? Well, yes...maybe. Class, class, class! ♫ ♬ It's been such a long time, I think I should be going. Time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin' ♫ ♬ I jump into the shower. Cibai kia, body wash dah nak habis. Shampoo pulak ada orang tambah air. Bodoh. Bebal. Geram sial. I can feel the water flow down my face differently because I'm frowning. Berus gigi, berus gigi, berus gigi. Ahh, my darling electric berus. Oh, how I love that sensation of your whole jaw vibrating. Bzzt. Bzzt. Heee. Bzzt.
What time is class? 9:30? Don't know, don't care. I'll go early and use the interweb on campus. Hidup = taik, when you don't have the internet. What can a PC do without the net? Main Solitaire.....pish. I get dressed. Hmm, kasut mana gets the honor of Day One? Oh, fuck it, ambik je la yang ni. As I enter the elevator I choose a playlist on the iPod to temankan me for the 15 minutes or so to campus. I choose "macam jatuh cinta macam tu ♥". Dah lama tak dengar.
We were strangers starting out on a journey,'At The Beginning'. How apt. It's been two months since I've walked these streets but somehow I'm guided by pure instinct. How did I stop at the red light? Did I realize I turned the corner or was that done subconsciously? Whatever. In the elevator in CIC a woman clumsily spills some of her coffee and dengan gelabahnya presses the button. "Monday blues", she says with a laugh, "still in weekend mode." I tell her I've been off for two months doing absolutely nowt; "new term blues". She loses that 'kesianla aku' look and nods at me. We part, both exchanging "have a good one"s.
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through,
Now here we are and I'm certainly standing,
At the beginning with you.
Ah, a PC. I check my e-mail. 22 new, 59 spam. The inbox-spam ratio is still near 1:3. Whoop-dee-doo. I read the news. I watch all five Man Utd goals against Wigan; hebat sial Berbatov, hebat sial Owen. I did the whole net registration thing for my darling talipon's wifi. Wee-fee. Hahahaha. "Do you have wee-fee?" like that guy in the hostel in Boston. Silly man. Hahaha. Scheduleman, scheduleman, scheduleman! Hmm, says here Arabic 3 starts at 10:30. Sejam lagi nak buat bodoh. I do up the whole calendar thing on my phone so for the next 16 weeks I get an alarm before every single class.
10:10AM and I'm the first in class.
Ooh baby do you know what that's worth,A rather pretty girl walks in. She has bangs that don't seem manufactured. Is that even right? Lepak ah, you're only convincing yourself, bukannya ada orang check pun. Well it doesn't look fake, like someone drew them on there with a freaking Sharpie. Nampak...biasa. So biasa that it's pretty. Oh my, she has such beautiful blue eyes. Oh and those long, curled lashes. "Is this Arabic?" she asks. Finally, an American interested in Arabic! Asik North Africans, Arabs and Jews je. This is Arabic 3, she can't be a freshman. She doesn't look that old, though. Alah, beza setahun dua macamla banyak sangat. Kau diam. Apa kau tau? She's only started Arabic a year ago but she's already studied abroad in Morocco, Syria, Lebanon and Turkey. Oh, she's a junior. Transferred from community college from Kansas. Note to self: do not make lame Wizard of Oz/"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!" jokes. Her name is Mackenzie. Pleased to meet you. *smile*
Ooh Heaven is a place on Earth,
They say in heaven that love comes first,
We'll make heaven a place on Earth,
Ooh Heaven is a place on Earth.
Modolu walks in and sits between us. Disturb leaf. Tapi at least ada kawan. No, that's being condescending. He's still a friend regardless where he sat. Takpe, lusa jumpa lagi. Ajak dia naik Mt. Washington, jom? Hmm. I've always wanted to try that ice cream parlor up there. Tapi puasa. Taik ah. Ah, here comes Ustaz Ethan. He had a bad week which culminated in both his dogs dying hours apart, he says. His tone and posture says it all and we're all sympathetic for the three of them. Eric Berryman comes in and speaks like a true Arab. His ع sounds so...authentic. Aku sebut pun tak sepekat tu. And his doesn't sound forced. And it was only two years ago I was helping him out with the al-Fatihah. He comes to shake my hand. What? You're the MSA Vice President? Daym. Everyone does the introductions. I can't speak for shit. I'm last so I plan to say something funny to lighten the mood. "Ana la as-habah fii Pittsburgh wa ana fi'lan wahid"; that's probably very wrong but we is all still speak breaken Arab. Hmm. That might work. My turn comes. For some reason I can't even say "I study in Carnegie Mellon" or even "Economics". Ethan thinks I'm very rusty so he ends the session after two sentences. Everyone else did at least four.
Modolu and I go and see the new Gates Building. Lawa gila babi, tapi no signage so everyone's lost. We go to the bookstore. There's a new mug design. Lawa. Biasanya hodoh, so I buy it. I check my campus mail and apparently that Visual Bookshelf survey thing on facebook which promised to send the novel 'Huge' was telling the truth. I got it free of charge.
Sukarnya 'tuk ku melupakan,
Sinar matamu yang menawan,
Terbayang-bayang tiap masa,
Senyumanmu menggoda,
Kehangatan terasa di jiwa,
'Tika kau lafaz kata cinta,
Nafas terhenti seketika,
Seakan sukar kupercaya,
Oo-wo-oh-oh-oh,
Ku juga mencintai dirimu,
Mengapa sukar kuluahkan,
Bukan sengaja kumenahan,
Bibir membeku, lidah terkelu,
Ku juga mencintai dirimu,
Kau amat sempurna buatku,
Bukan saja aku biarkan,
'Kan kuucap jua padamu.
12:30PM and it's time for Programming with Alice and Java. Professor tua, and she says it'll be an extremely slow class so opt for a higher level kalau bosan. I need the A, thank you very much. And yes, bosan gila but I can deal with it.
1:30PM and I'm free. Do I go home? Why not. Singgah bank jap. Takmau pegang cash banyak sangat. At home, I find an iklan for Comcast college specials cable. Immediate activation. I call and they said five minutes they'd be there. I hear a knock so I open the door. It's just the neighbor leaving. I close the door but he says something angrily. I open it again and he asks me "Why is it every time I get out, you people open the door?" I told him I'm expecting someone but he angrily says "Fine" and walks away. Anak dia bising, ketuk pintu macam orang gila, I don't complain. In fact most times, they knock so hard we think it's our door. Muka pun ketat gila. Boo.
I do the whole sign up thing. They say they can only offer 10 Mbps, six less than I had. Takde hal. Tomorrow I shall have the internet. Waiting. More than five hours to buka, and at least 24 more to TV and the net. I reformat the computer because my Windows is bisu and start installing everything that doesn't require the internet for activation or updates. Nik gets back from doing his SSN. We call the newbies and tell 'em let's meet up for buka. The plan was to meet at 7:45PM. I read, I sleep. I wake up past 8:00PM. We walk to Tandoor and meet the new kids. Kedai ni kasi nasi sikit gila tapi nasib baik kenyang. Aishah mistakenly bought a Chinese-made SciPhone from Ebay. I don't know whether to be amazed at how good they are at copying, or laugh at her for being ripped off. Perhaps silence is best. I am still jetlagged so I go to bed once I get back home.
Tuesday, August 23
It is 4:00AM and I'm up. Berlengas so I take a shower. It's late now so I make some toast and fry an egg. It's too panas, so I open a cup of yogurt. It's frozen pulak, so masuk microwave. I down a glass of lemon pomegranate juice which really tastes like serai. I finish up just in time. I try, but by 7:30AM I can't sleep anymore. I grab my phone and play Tetris. Can I break 60,000? I fail miserably twice. Today is the heaviest of all five days: three 90-minute seminars and one hour-long recitation. I read 'The Hours'. It's just so painful to read. Some genius decided to write about how Virginia Woolf's life affected the story line of her book 'Mrs. Dalloway', which in turn affected a reader's (Mrs. Brown) life. But he won an award and it became a movie starring Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore. No. If I had bought it, I would have chucked it away a long time ago. Tapi ni Aunty Dayah yang bayarkan masa kat RIT. Kena baca sampai habis. It's the least I could do for her. I walk to class; iPod setia di sisi, sambung playlist semalam.
I realize the best part of love,
Is the thinnest slice,
And it don't count for much,
But I'm not letting go,
I believe there's too much to believe in,
So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan,
I figured it out,
What I needed was someone to show me,
[jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng]
You know you can't fool me,
I've been lovin' you too long,
It started so easy,
You want to carry on
(Carry on...)
Lost in love and I don't know much,
Was I thinkin' aloud,
Fell out of touch,
But I'm back on my feet
And eager to be what you wanted.
9:00AM and it's Advanced Micro. Megan walks in. I say hi and she waves back. Dia duduk depan. Dulu dia duduk belakang, kat sini. Ada kawan dia kot depan tu. No, dia duduk sorang. Cis. Professor walks in and talks about--what else?--economics. I don't know my shit. I struggle to integrate a simple function. Apparently junior year ni, you'll be applying all the sampah you learned in the past two years. Ah. Heavy weightage on finals. Taik.
10:20AM and I immediately head to the computer cluster for Alice recitation. Dia ajar cemana nak download and install. I am officially the second oldest person in this class. The oldest being some guy who is probably somebody's dad. Everyone else is either a freshman, sophomore or an over-achieving highschooler.
I have a half hour to kill so I lounge about outside the next classroom and check my e-mail.
Lookin' in your eyes,12PM and it's time for Industrial Organization. Professor's a Russian dude. He says it's "a.k.a Applied Microeconomics". Nice. Tak cukup ambik advanced, ambik applied pulak. Again, more maximization and calculus. Nak buat muka masam, nak nangis, nak Mama. But I found myself answering half his questions. Which could mean I do know my shit. No, can't be. This girl who was once the Econ Society VP was in the class. So was David. And a few other equally smart ones. Why aren't they saying jack shit? Ah, David said something. But still. Diorang je berkarat ke apa? But I should be safe with classmates macam ni; perhaps they're not into the groove yet. They'll come good. Outside, a sorority girl promotes Greek Life. A girl says to her, "Sorry, but I'm actually a guy." Bahahah! That made my day.
I see a paradise,
This world that I found,
Is too good to be true,
Standin' here beside you,
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart
That I'm feelin' for you,
Let 'em say we're cray-zeh,
I don't care about that,
Put your hand in my hand,
Baby don't ever look back,
Let the world around us
Just fall apart,
Baby we can make it
If we're heart to heart,
And we can build this thing together,
Stand this storm forever,
Nothin's gonna stop us now,
And if this world runs outta lovers,
We'll still have each other,
Nothin's gonna stop us,
Nothin's gonna stop us now.
1:30PM and I'm applying for the same goddamned Telefund job. Paling senang masuk, konon. But it is, however, paling senang keluar. I don't need a job, I just need the SSN. This is the fourth time I filled in that wretched form. It is also the fourth supervisor I've met.
By 2:30PM I'm done so I walk around The Cut and look at posters and buy three. E-Cow-Nomics. Peter vs. The Giant Chicken. 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Did you know Chuck Norris could slam shut a revolving door? Or that the only way he shaves is by kicking himself in the face, because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris? There are second hand books. I buy 'Snow' by Orhan Pamuk. The seller is miffed because he wanted to read it, too. Siapa suruh jual, kalau nak baca? Baghal.
You gave me wings and made me fly,
You touched my hand, I can touch the sky,
I lost my faith you gave it back to me,
You said no star was out of reach,
You stood my me and I stood tall,
I had your love, I had it all,
I'm grateful for each day you gave me,
Maybe I don't know that much,
But I know this much is true,
I was blessed because I was,
Loved by you.
You were my strength when I was weak,
You were my my voice when I couldn't speak,
You were my eyes when I couldn't see,
You saw the best there was in me,
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach,
You gave me faith 'cause you believed,
I'm everything I am,
Because you loved me.
3:00PM and it's everybody's favorite class: Stats. The instructor (remember, he told us not to call him 'professor' because he isn't one) takes down our respective height, gender and continent data and tells us to hand in a three-page report. "About what?" just about everybody asks. "Whatever you can think of." Nice. Just nice, really. Cool girl with funky orange punk hair wants to eat an apple but is shy of the noise she'll make. We all cough every time she takes a bite. She laughs more than she chews. I walk home. PC boleh diupdate and diinstall macam-macam benda.
Don't go breakin' my heart,
I couldn't if I tried,
Honey, if I get restless,
Baby, you're not that kind,
Don't go breakin' my heart,
You take the weight off of me,
Honey when you knock on my door,
Oh, I gave you my key,
Woo-hoo, nobody knows it,
When I was down,
I was your clown,
Woo-hoo, nobody knows it,
Right from the start,
I gave you my heart,
Whoa-oh, I gave you my heart,
So don't go breakin' my heart,
I won't go breakin your heart,
Don't go breakin' my,
Don't go breakin' my,
Don't go breakin' my heart.
4:45PM and I'm home. The TV has a picture. But Nik says there's no internet. And we only got 6 Mbps. And it's registered under MOHANNA SHAZWON BINAZIZAN. Seriously, what the fuck is the point of filling out forms in block letters if they're gonna fuck it up by spelling it over the phone to another agent in their call center? We finally get it running. I get my first IM, "ha aku online dulu!" from Nik 36 minutes after he sent it. I had to download YM dulu, kan. I do the whole reverse process of backup. My IM chat archives, the 9 GB of songs, the whole toilet MP3 player thing. Most importantly my iTunes play count and playlists. I don't know why, but they mean the world to me. Took me months to make those playlists and edit every MP3's ID3 tag so that the artiste's name and album and song title are all spelled correctly. All 2,424 of 'em.
I lost track of time and it's now 7:45PM. We rush to the ICP for buka. Tak semeriah last year but anything free is just as good. No. That's condescending. People aren't giving as much as they used to. Maybe economy teruk? Or harga naik? I ask if the hot drink is coffee or tea. It's just too black and thick for tea, yet too brown for coffee. An old guy opens the lid, points to the thick black liquid inside and says it's obviously tea while he rolls his eyes. Obviously. I take a sip. Tea. The kind that gives you sembelit. We walk back home. I study Arabic a little as I do the laundry. Belum tiga hari dah kena basuh dua load. It rained in Newark and Philly when we were flying in. Cemana air hujan boleh masuk suitcase? Bengap. I try to stay up to fight the jetlag. By 1:00AM I give up.
Besok kelas Arab, heeee~
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Scared Shitless By Sipadan
Sabah is home to many things. Of course when asked what's to be found there, most of us Malaysians would name Mount Kinabalu, the orangutan and the Rafflesia. Some might even be knowledgeable enough to also mention Sipadan in the breath. Up till last week, even I wouldn't have. I was lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) enough to head over to Sipadan Island with my dad and six other photographers--journalists, some of 'em. The downside to it was that they were interested in the natives as well as the sea and sunset and islands--not diving.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm no scuba enthusiast; never dived before either. In fact, on paper, I get nauseous by the thought of being so deep underwater, with all the pressure, darkness, the strong currents of the open sea (and even underwater channels), the heavy/bulky equipment. And that's not even taking into account the ginormous hammerhead sharks that lurk around Sipadan. And I just read Dan Brown's Deception Point. But still. You don't go to one of the top three dive spots in the world and not take a dip in the water. And see what all the fuss is about.
Anyway, my visit to Sipadan was a short one--just one of many legs of my journey around the many islands and sand bars. Yes, there are other islands there too. Sipadan is tiny--maybe two or three football fields? And due to international regulations for it being a World Heritage site (I think), nothing artificial is allowed to be built. So there are no resorts, not even a RM10 per night hostel. There's only a jetty and a military pondok. You can't stay at Sipadan; the nearest is Mabul or Kapalai.
Back to Sipadan proper. As the boat neared the island you can see the water is dark blue (deep) all around. Then there's a ring of light blue (shallow) maybe fifteen, twenty meters around the island. After I registered at the army/navy post, I put on my snorkels, got my Ixus in its underwater casing, and walked into the clear blue sea. Ten meters in, the water was up to my waist. There were coral (not the most colorful, I must say) and tiny fish swimming around. As I neared the light blue-dark blue threshold, the water was maybe two meters deep so I swam. Beneath me marine life was thriving: vibrant coral and seaweed and colorful fish half my size (fifteen meters away from the beach!) and even a turtle! Brilliant!
But then--nothing. From a wonderful sight of all sorts of life on the sea bed, I am now faced with an abyss. Darkness. Utter darkness. It's like floating over the edge of a cliff. It's not so much that it's deep that it's so scary. Except it is. The underwater cliff is quite a sight to behold, breathtaking even. And I rarely say that about anything. Add to that thoughts of the strong currents of the deep sea, Sipadan Hammerhead Shark T-shirts (the same shark from Deception Point), drifting away, and...sinking. It's just so drastic.
Now, in Form Two or Three Geography, we learn that the sea in between Borneo and Peninsular Malaysia (and around that area, too) is only 200m deep--Pentas Sunda or something? Now imagine an underwater mountain that barely breaks the surface. That is Sipadan. From the beach, you can walk among the coral and the fish. The water is pristine. Very. Think Mild Seven Seafarer's Club commercials. That's it. Yet this shallow area only lasts up to 15-20m away from the shore. After that, the sea is 200m deep.
I stayed closer to the shore after that.
There are posters asking you to vote Sipadan for a spot on the up-and-coming Seven Natural Wonders of the World, as well as ratings and testimonies by magazines and organizations proclaiming the island as the best diving spot in the world. Whether you buy into the propaganda or not is irrelevant. The fact is, Sipadan is bloody brilliant and it's right here in our backyard. In the place we stayed, we were the only Malaysians. There were Filipinos, Japs, Aussies, Scots, English, Chinese and others from God knows where. The day we left a group of Kelantanese came, and even then they had family who lived near Sipadan. Thing is, people from all over pay thousands to see the island. We Malaysians...undervalue? underestimate? just don't care?
I as an Orang Semenanjung think we on this side should be more aware of what's to be found on the other side of Malaysia. And we should give a rat's ass about its goings-on, too. There is so much there we're missing out on.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm no scuba enthusiast; never dived before either. In fact, on paper, I get nauseous by the thought of being so deep underwater, with all the pressure, darkness, the strong currents of the open sea (and even underwater channels), the heavy/bulky equipment. And that's not even taking into account the ginormous hammerhead sharks that lurk around Sipadan. And I just read Dan Brown's Deception Point. But still. You don't go to one of the top three dive spots in the world and not take a dip in the water. And see what all the fuss is about.
Anyway, my visit to Sipadan was a short one--just one of many legs of my journey around the many islands and sand bars. Yes, there are other islands there too. Sipadan is tiny--maybe two or three football fields? And due to international regulations for it being a World Heritage site (I think), nothing artificial is allowed to be built. So there are no resorts, not even a RM10 per night hostel. There's only a jetty and a military pondok. You can't stay at Sipadan; the nearest is Mabul or Kapalai.
Back to Sipadan proper. As the boat neared the island you can see the water is dark blue (deep) all around. Then there's a ring of light blue (shallow) maybe fifteen, twenty meters around the island. After I registered at the army/navy post, I put on my snorkels, got my Ixus in its underwater casing, and walked into the clear blue sea. Ten meters in, the water was up to my waist. There were coral (not the most colorful, I must say) and tiny fish swimming around. As I neared the light blue-dark blue threshold, the water was maybe two meters deep so I swam. Beneath me marine life was thriving: vibrant coral and seaweed and colorful fish half my size (fifteen meters away from the beach!) and even a turtle! Brilliant!
But then--nothing. From a wonderful sight of all sorts of life on the sea bed, I am now faced with an abyss. Darkness. Utter darkness. It's like floating over the edge of a cliff. It's not so much that it's deep that it's so scary. Except it is. The underwater cliff is quite a sight to behold, breathtaking even. And I rarely say that about anything. Add to that thoughts of the strong currents of the deep sea, Sipadan Hammerhead Shark T-shirts (the same shark from Deception Point), drifting away, and...sinking. It's just so drastic.
Now, in Form Two or Three Geography, we learn that the sea in between Borneo and Peninsular Malaysia (and around that area, too) is only 200m deep--Pentas Sunda or something? Now imagine an underwater mountain that barely breaks the surface. That is Sipadan. From the beach, you can walk among the coral and the fish. The water is pristine. Very. Think Mild Seven Seafarer's Club commercials. That's it. Yet this shallow area only lasts up to 15-20m away from the shore. After that, the sea is 200m deep.
I stayed closer to the shore after that.
There are posters asking you to vote Sipadan for a spot on the up-and-coming Seven Natural Wonders of the World, as well as ratings and testimonies by magazines and organizations proclaiming the island as the best diving spot in the world. Whether you buy into the propaganda or not is irrelevant. The fact is, Sipadan is bloody brilliant and it's right here in our backyard. In the place we stayed, we were the only Malaysians. There were Filipinos, Japs, Aussies, Scots, English, Chinese and others from God knows where. The day we left a group of Kelantanese came, and even then they had family who lived near Sipadan. Thing is, people from all over pay thousands to see the island. We Malaysians...undervalue? underestimate? just don't care?
I as an Orang Semenanjung think we on this side should be more aware of what's to be found on the other side of Malaysia. And we should give a rat's ass about its goings-on, too. There is so much there we're missing out on.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Hikayat Orang Miskin
Don't ask why. Don't ask how. Shit just happens.
All I can say is that one day I realize my account has less than $50 and I have more than a month before my next allowance is deposited or my flight back home, whichever comes first. And in this one month, things only got worse: we lost a 20 lb sack of rice (God knows how that could have happened), standing orders conveniently withdrew money earlier than expected (before I could even cancel), for the first time ever we forgot to put the chicken and fish in the freezer, lots of people came to visit. So it was that I spent my last Sophomore month being a bum doing close to nothing productive. At the end of my exams, I went to Texas--San Antonio and Austin--and had a wonderful time. I spent $450 for everything--airfare, lodging, food, souvenirs. That wasn't shooting myself in the foot. I still had enough for another trip to Rochester to see my cousin graduate, which I did.
Towards the end of May I was left with less than $80 in my bank and exactly $120 in my wallet. Hardly a sad amount, but nowhere near comfortable. By early June, the screwovers had left me with $5.97 in my bank--it is now late June and the amount is unchanged. But I held on tight to the $120. I only used it for laundry and for buying necessities like onion and garlic and rice and meat. Seemed fine. But then we had concerts. A friend forwarded the money for Coldplay. Zee Avi's was free. And Gokun paid for my ticket to see No Doubt since it was only $10. But I can't go on living off the charity of others. So I emptied my tabungs--two years' worth of coins--and put them in that coin machine thing where they give you notes instead. I would have been glad if I had got even $10--if spent wisely, that could be three or four meals. Instead, I got $17 and change! ...which was actually bad since it made me cocky. I brought Gokun and his friends to Primanti Bros. and a diner. I can't let them visit Pittsburgh and eat nasi kosong, can I? Besides, you've never been to Pittsburgh if you haven't eaten one of their sandwiches. So that's where two years of savings went: a Primanti Bros. cajun chicken sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, a meatloaf sandwich and decaf.
I continued the next few days (if not weeks) living off whatever rice we had. How bad were times? Well, we rationed onion--that bad. We ran out of sugar with two weeks to go, but the girls were kind enough to give us a pack. We ate bread so cautiously that it expired before we even finished one loaf. But we were, however, helped out by some smart spending in the past. We still had 30 eggs, two blocks of butter, loads of lasagna and spaghetti, three jars of pasta sauce, three cans of mushroom soup, a can of sardines, one frozen pizza, and a lot of cheese. So we stuck to the one-meal-a-day regime and had rice for two or three days straight, then treat ourselves to spaghetti or sardine/egg sandwiches. We were very liberal with egg. Breakfast was improvised. We had coffee and Earl Grey tea in abundance (and gula wakaf). We still had two boxes of cereal, and a tin of Quaker Oatmeal. But no milk. But we had a tub of 'Death By Chocolate' ice cream, which goes well with oatmeal. I remember some old Pop Tarts.
Nik had a little more cash than me, so he'd buy chicken every once in a while. But even as sempit as we were, we fucked that up too. One morning I realized four chicken thighs were on the kitchen counter. He bought six; we ate two the night before. The remainder has been left overnight and is now starting to smell and dah mula berlendir. I picked up the brown bag to throw away. Beneath it was the packet of trout I left out to thaw before Nik returned with the chicken. Great. Fish and chicken that should last us four or five days--gone, just like that. And then the next time he went to buy chicken, his card had reached its limit.
I spent my days and nights indoors. It was pointless going out when you haven't a penny to spend unnecessarily. I would have liked to go atop Mt. Washington or see Pittsburgh's zoo, to take pictures or draw, but I'm sure if they weren't free, I'd spend enough time there to get hungry or thirsty... So I just watched movies. Since my finals ended on May 13th, I've seen 78 movies. Some on the TV, three in the cinema (San Antonio's RiverCenter Mall AMC charges only $4 per show) and the rest I downloaded. I had a blast seeing the likes of Abba The Movie, A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Catch-22, Music and Lyrics, Marley & Me, all four Indiana Jones movies as well as all three NeverEnding Stories--all in 720p HD and 5.1 surround. I averaged three a day, sometimes went up to six. I also caught up on some reading; Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, The Pearl, The Abolition of Man and Deception Point. My butt and eyes hurt from the hours I spent in front of my monitor. Lying down to read didn't quite help. As far as the Xbox is concerned, I played FIFA09's Be A Pro. I broke into the Arsenal first team using a player I created but got frustrated quickly. I was a left winger but I scored too much so they keep putting me up front as the right striker so I lose points for running down the left flank and crossing. Add to the fact that I'm left-footed. And that Adebayor is rubbish in the game; he can't do squat unless I give him a sitter. And RVP is awesome but is somehow benched in preference to Ade. I stopped playing. Fucking Arsenal.
T-minus one week to our flight back. Still no sign of the money despite the "mid-June deposit" rumors. We have enough rice left, but no onion. Our garlic has gone bad. We've baked the last pizza. We still had two cans of soup, though. For almost a week now we'd been drinking nothing else but iced Earl Grey tea. Or plain water. I tried to buy milk once, but the shop's stock was due to expire in three days. Hell, no! I won't let it go to waste. Takde susu pun biar la. Bertahan! But then... we couldn't ignore it no more. We had five more days but we only had rice to eat. I had only $10 in my wallet. We decided to sell off all the old books we had in this apartment. Easily there were forty. I stacked half on a dolly, Nik packed the remainder in a suitcase, and we dragged 'em both across Oakland to the other side of Pitt. Schoolkids on the sidewalk would say "damn, I ain't goin' to college!" or something to that effect. But after a hefty pull, we entered the bookstore and the guy rejected probably ⅔ of whatever we gave him. It hurt every time he put one on the reject pile. But still we were rich! Not filthy rich to the point we'd rip our Greyhound tickets and and buy plane tickets to Newark for the flight home. But any decent amount of money is a lot when given to someone with only $10 in his pocket. On the way back, CMU had this survey where they'd give free bottles of water. So we went and each got candy and a drink. The questionnaire asked us to rate happiness before and after. We each put 7 out of 7 for both.
I wasn't going to be cocky with this money. A lot of shit can happen. We'll be on a 12-hour journey by bus to Newark. Then a 5-hour wait at Newark Liberty. Then a 24-hour flight back to Kuala Lumpur. Or Sepang. Whatever. Anyway, what if in the fine print somewhere it says we're only allowed 10 oz of baggage. I know MAS isn't one to screw people (especially students) over luggage, but you never know. So we were extremely frugal and bought one (1) onion, a gallon of milk and 3 lbs of ground beef. With all that and whatever I had at home, I made a 9-layer lasagna with a bit of beef left over for today's pie. Tonight I leave for Newark.
Three days ago, my PC stopped giving out any sound, and I can't be bothered to reinstall Windows before going back. So I stopped watching movies and went on to start drawing. Just because. Once, around 4:00AM, I asked Nik if he had crayons. He just laughed pretty hard. But I stopped the urge to be 'creative' and used pencil instead and now I have portraits of myself and Shahmi on my bedroom wall.
This is my story of the time I was so hard pressed I used up all my safeties. Just a few hours ago, I found a birthday card from last two years and there was a dollar bill inside which I didn't bother to take back then. I surprised myself at how swiftly that single found its way into my wallet. I now have $11 in there. The money from the books were given in the form a debit card. Money changes the way you act, the way you live, your mentality--whether it's a case of too little or too much is immaterial. I'm sure everyone has their stories of digging around couches for loose change to buy a sandwich. Savor these moments. It makes you appreciate what you have when you have something to be had.
All I can say is that one day I realize my account has less than $50 and I have more than a month before my next allowance is deposited or my flight back home, whichever comes first. And in this one month, things only got worse: we lost a 20 lb sack of rice (God knows how that could have happened), standing orders conveniently withdrew money earlier than expected (before I could even cancel), for the first time ever we forgot to put the chicken and fish in the freezer, lots of people came to visit. So it was that I spent my last Sophomore month being a bum doing close to nothing productive. At the end of my exams, I went to Texas--San Antonio and Austin--and had a wonderful time. I spent $450 for everything--airfare, lodging, food, souvenirs. That wasn't shooting myself in the foot. I still had enough for another trip to Rochester to see my cousin graduate, which I did.
Towards the end of May I was left with less than $80 in my bank and exactly $120 in my wallet. Hardly a sad amount, but nowhere near comfortable. By early June, the screwovers had left me with $5.97 in my bank--it is now late June and the amount is unchanged. But I held on tight to the $120. I only used it for laundry and for buying necessities like onion and garlic and rice and meat. Seemed fine. But then we had concerts. A friend forwarded the money for Coldplay. Zee Avi's was free. And Gokun paid for my ticket to see No Doubt since it was only $10. But I can't go on living off the charity of others. So I emptied my tabungs--two years' worth of coins--and put them in that coin machine thing where they give you notes instead. I would have been glad if I had got even $10--if spent wisely, that could be three or four meals. Instead, I got $17 and change! ...which was actually bad since it made me cocky. I brought Gokun and his friends to Primanti Bros. and a diner. I can't let them visit Pittsburgh and eat nasi kosong, can I? Besides, you've never been to Pittsburgh if you haven't eaten one of their sandwiches. So that's where two years of savings went: a Primanti Bros. cajun chicken sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, a meatloaf sandwich and decaf.
I continued the next few days (if not weeks) living off whatever rice we had. How bad were times? Well, we rationed onion--that bad. We ran out of sugar with two weeks to go, but the girls were kind enough to give us a pack. We ate bread so cautiously that it expired before we even finished one loaf. But we were, however, helped out by some smart spending in the past. We still had 30 eggs, two blocks of butter, loads of lasagna and spaghetti, three jars of pasta sauce, three cans of mushroom soup, a can of sardines, one frozen pizza, and a lot of cheese. So we stuck to the one-meal-a-day regime and had rice for two or three days straight, then treat ourselves to spaghetti or sardine/egg sandwiches. We were very liberal with egg. Breakfast was improvised. We had coffee and Earl Grey tea in abundance (and gula wakaf). We still had two boxes of cereal, and a tin of Quaker Oatmeal. But no milk. But we had a tub of 'Death By Chocolate' ice cream, which goes well with oatmeal. I remember some old Pop Tarts.
Nik had a little more cash than me, so he'd buy chicken every once in a while. But even as sempit as we were, we fucked that up too. One morning I realized four chicken thighs were on the kitchen counter. He bought six; we ate two the night before. The remainder has been left overnight and is now starting to smell and dah mula berlendir. I picked up the brown bag to throw away. Beneath it was the packet of trout I left out to thaw before Nik returned with the chicken. Great. Fish and chicken that should last us four or five days--gone, just like that. And then the next time he went to buy chicken, his card had reached its limit.
I spent my days and nights indoors. It was pointless going out when you haven't a penny to spend unnecessarily. I would have liked to go atop Mt. Washington or see Pittsburgh's zoo, to take pictures or draw, but I'm sure if they weren't free, I'd spend enough time there to get hungry or thirsty... So I just watched movies. Since my finals ended on May 13th, I've seen 78 movies. Some on the TV, three in the cinema (San Antonio's RiverCenter Mall AMC charges only $4 per show) and the rest I downloaded. I had a blast seeing the likes of Abba The Movie, A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Catch-22, Music and Lyrics, Marley & Me, all four Indiana Jones movies as well as all three NeverEnding Stories--all in 720p HD and 5.1 surround. I averaged three a day, sometimes went up to six. I also caught up on some reading; Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, The Pearl, The Abolition of Man and Deception Point. My butt and eyes hurt from the hours I spent in front of my monitor. Lying down to read didn't quite help. As far as the Xbox is concerned, I played FIFA09's Be A Pro. I broke into the Arsenal first team using a player I created but got frustrated quickly. I was a left winger but I scored too much so they keep putting me up front as the right striker so I lose points for running down the left flank and crossing. Add to the fact that I'm left-footed. And that Adebayor is rubbish in the game; he can't do squat unless I give him a sitter. And RVP is awesome but is somehow benched in preference to Ade. I stopped playing. Fucking Arsenal.
T-minus one week to our flight back. Still no sign of the money despite the "mid-June deposit" rumors. We have enough rice left, but no onion. Our garlic has gone bad. We've baked the last pizza. We still had two cans of soup, though. For almost a week now we'd been drinking nothing else but iced Earl Grey tea. Or plain water. I tried to buy milk once, but the shop's stock was due to expire in three days. Hell, no! I won't let it go to waste. Takde susu pun biar la. Bertahan! But then... we couldn't ignore it no more. We had five more days but we only had rice to eat. I had only $10 in my wallet. We decided to sell off all the old books we had in this apartment. Easily there were forty. I stacked half on a dolly, Nik packed the remainder in a suitcase, and we dragged 'em both across Oakland to the other side of Pitt. Schoolkids on the sidewalk would say "damn, I ain't goin' to college!" or something to that effect. But after a hefty pull, we entered the bookstore and the guy rejected probably ⅔ of whatever we gave him. It hurt every time he put one on the reject pile. But still we were rich! Not filthy rich to the point we'd rip our Greyhound tickets and and buy plane tickets to Newark for the flight home. But any decent amount of money is a lot when given to someone with only $10 in his pocket. On the way back, CMU had this survey where they'd give free bottles of water. So we went and each got candy and a drink. The questionnaire asked us to rate happiness before and after. We each put 7 out of 7 for both.
I wasn't going to be cocky with this money. A lot of shit can happen. We'll be on a 12-hour journey by bus to Newark. Then a 5-hour wait at Newark Liberty. Then a 24-hour flight back to Kuala Lumpur. Or Sepang. Whatever. Anyway, what if in the fine print somewhere it says we're only allowed 10 oz of baggage. I know MAS isn't one to screw people (especially students) over luggage, but you never know. So we were extremely frugal and bought one (1) onion, a gallon of milk and 3 lbs of ground beef. With all that and whatever I had at home, I made a 9-layer lasagna with a bit of beef left over for today's pie. Tonight I leave for Newark.
Three days ago, my PC stopped giving out any sound, and I can't be bothered to reinstall Windows before going back. So I stopped watching movies and went on to start drawing. Just because. Once, around 4:00AM, I asked Nik if he had crayons. He just laughed pretty hard. But I stopped the urge to be 'creative' and used pencil instead and now I have portraits of myself and Shahmi on my bedroom wall.
*****
This is my story of the time I was so hard pressed I used up all my safeties. Just a few hours ago, I found a birthday card from last two years and there was a dollar bill inside which I didn't bother to take back then. I surprised myself at how swiftly that single found its way into my wallet. I now have $11 in there. The money from the books were given in the form a debit card. Money changes the way you act, the way you live, your mentality--whether it's a case of too little or too much is immaterial. I'm sure everyone has their stories of digging around couches for loose change to buy a sandwich. Savor these moments. It makes you appreciate what you have when you have something to be had.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Summer 2009 Movies
2001: A Space Odyssey
A Clockwork Orange
ABBA The Movie
Anastasia
Angels & Demons
Bolt
Braddock: Missing in Action III
Bride Wars
Burn After Reading
Cashback
Catch-22
Catch Me If You Can
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Dog Day Afternoon
Donnie Brasco
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fingersmith
Fired Up!
Fucking Amal
Goal! III
Happy Go Lucky
He's Just Not That Into You
The Holiday
Idiocracy
Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Inside Man
The Italian Job [original]
The Italian Job [remake]
Jerry Maguire
Kinsey
Knight Rider [2008]
Stephen King's The Langoliers
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Loving Annabelle
Lucky Number Slevin
Marley & Me
Misery
Music and Lyrics
The NeverEnding Story
The NeverEnding Story 2: The Next Chapter
The NeverEnding Story 3: Escape From Fantasia
New In Town
Observe and Report
Ocean's Eleven [remake]
Old School
Pan's Labyrinth
Paris, Je T'aime
Pineapple Express
Porky's
Prison Break: The Final Break
Red Cliff Part II
Rocky V
The Royal Tenenbaums
Slumdog Millionaire
The Soloist
Someone Like You
Spy Hard
Stand By Me
Star Trek
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Striking Distance
Taken
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Terminator Salvation
Tipping The Velvet
Top Gun
Tropic Thunder: Rain of Blood
Two Lovers
Valkyrie
Van Wilder: Party Liaison
Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj
W.A.L.L.-E
Water Lilies
Without A Paddle
Wonder Boys
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
You've Got Mail
Zack and Miri Make A Porno
A Clockwork Orange
ABBA The Movie
Anastasia
Angels & Demons
Bolt
Braddock: Missing in Action III
Bride Wars
Burn After Reading
Cashback
Catch-22
Catch Me If You Can
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Dog Day Afternoon
Donnie Brasco
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fingersmith
Fired Up!
Fucking Amal
Goal! III
Happy Go Lucky
He's Just Not That Into You
The Holiday
Idiocracy
Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Inside Man
The Italian Job [original]
The Italian Job [remake]
Jerry Maguire
Kinsey
Knight Rider [2008]
Stephen King's The Langoliers
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Loving Annabelle
Lucky Number Slevin
Marley & Me
Misery
Music and Lyrics
The NeverEnding Story
The NeverEnding Story 2: The Next Chapter
The NeverEnding Story 3: Escape From Fantasia
New In Town
Observe and Report
Ocean's Eleven [remake]
Old School
Pan's Labyrinth
Paris, Je T'aime
Pineapple Express
Porky's
Prison Break: The Final Break
Red Cliff Part II
Rocky V
The Royal Tenenbaums
Slumdog Millionaire
The Soloist
Someone Like You
Spy Hard
Stand By Me
Star Trek
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Striking Distance
Taken
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Terminator Salvation
Tipping The Velvet
Top Gun
Tropic Thunder: Rain of Blood
Two Lovers
Valkyrie
Van Wilder: Party Liaison
Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj
W.A.L.L.-E
Water Lilies
Without A Paddle
Wonder Boys
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
You've Got Mail
Zack and Miri Make A Porno
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Carnegie Mellon University: Judging The Book By Its Cover
I will not dwell on what the hell is a Carnegie, a Mellon (not melon with one L like the fruit), or a university. You are all smart enough to use Wikipedia. And to the "my school is older and more steeped in tradition than yours" brigade, I will not say much on age because while we may not be as old as some of you, we are a damn sight better than most of you. I also won't talk about how awesome or shit we are in terms of graduate debts or employability or how much better or shit our Philosophy 101 is compared to yours. Let's talk only about what our eyes can see.
Many people look at our main campus here in Pittsburgh and comment on how tiny we are. Yes. If you look at the campus on Google Maps, you can see that if you divide it into a 3 x 3 grid, the athletics track is just enough to fill one of the squares. So we are as big as nine 400 m tracks. We are bordered by Forbes Ave., Frew St., Neville St./Boundary St. (how ironic), and Margaret Morrison St. on the north, south, west and east respectively. Boundary St. to Margaret Morrison St. is a little less than 800 m or half a mile or three traffic lights. That is a good thing, the smallness of this place. We only have slightly over 1,000 per class. I've high-fived everyone else in the Class of 2011; everyone kind of knows everyone. And--most importantly--you can wake up at 9:15 AM, get dressed, slip and fall on the icy sidewalks, chat up the sweet girl who helps to pick up your bag, buy a cup of coffee, and still make it on time for your 9:30.
I arrived here in August 2007 amidst so much talk of how bad the food is and how only years before it was ranked among the five worst in terms of on-campus dining. The landscaping was also horrible. Added to the fact that this is a school notorious for its workload and workaholics, it didn't seem like fun. Of course much of that has been fixed--food is bearable, but the landscaping is ambiguous.
The biggest shock of all for the CMU populace was the Walk To The Sky statue--probably still is. For starters, it's a 30-foot metal pole sticking out of the ground at an angle, very much like a guy lying on his back having an erection (there has been talk of a 30-foot condom). Now there are people (fake, obviously) walking upwards on this pole, hence, 'walk to the sky'. And at the pole's foot, there are three people (again, fake) just standing there, looking up at the men and women who are obviously thinking "the sky is the limit". I actually like it. But the fact that it's placed right at the front of CMU--in between the university center and the drama school--is just so...wrong. Sure, I like the fact that we don't have tacky Greek/Roman-like arches or signboards or even, God forbid, a guardhouse entrance with honest-to-goodness pak guards and mak guards. But a 30-foot erection that sways when the wind blows..? But it's nice, really. Not just because it is what it is; but also because it harbors idiots who will stand at the base, staring up at the skywalkers--or even idiots who think the three statues at the foot are real people who stand still for some artsy bullshit. It's true.
The next obvious tourist trap is The Fence. We have a fence right smack in the center of campus which we paint almost every night. Yes, it is a different color almost every day. The previous fence was wooden and so collapsed under its own weight. It still holds the Guinness World Record for "Most Painted Object". Many CMU departments keep pieces or flakes of paint from the old fence as memorabilia, just like many people do the Berlin Wall. Anyway, the new fence is steel and concrete, and fence painting is as spirited as ever as we try to beat the record of the old fence. Anyone, or any organization or club or dorm can paint the fence. People advertise their meetings, their national days, their names, their dorms, they do it just because. Painting can only be done after midnight until before sunrise; paintbrushes only, spray painting is considered vandalism; and at least two people must guard the fence to avoid others from 'taking' it. Some frats or clubs build tents or sheds around the fence so they can have 24/7 watchdogs. You can, however, strike a deal with the people holding the fence and borrow it for a day.
But this campus actually has some surprises up it's sleeve. As Phua, Dian, NJ and all 13 visitors from Wisconsin will attest, the carvings on the front of the College of Fine Arts building has quite an interesting history behind it (pun intended). The architect was paid less than the original deal so he passive-aggressively replied by making one subtle change that haunts us to this day. On the left-most carving, above all the pillars are heads with different expressions. But one of them aren't heads. No, it's a pair of buttocks (now you get the pun), sticking out, taunting us "fuck you for not paying me enough". Inside the CFA, the ceiling is something from one of those buildings from The Vatican. No, not The Creation of Adam from the Sistine Chapel. But it's awfully pretty nonetheless.
Between CFA and Tepper, you'll see a partially hidden garden. As you go up the not-so-maze-not-so-garden-trail pathway, you'll reach a white abstract-shaped platform with numbers on it scattered in random order. This is our Number Garden. Looking south, there'll be this artsy thing from God knows who which I find to be rather smart. It's a quote of someone quoting someone else by the name of Eddington on his thoughts of the direction of time and the law of entropy. Eddington surmises that if we choose to walk backwards, it would be as if time went backwards too. The quote is written backwards; first word last/last word first. And that is pretty cool.
For a small area, we have barely enough space for our buildings. The new Gates School of Computer Science is near completion and hopefully it'll be as pretty on the inside as it is on the outside; and also as high-tech as they say it to be. And hopefully once the tractors and trucks have gone, they'd erect mini-parks or gardens around it just to appease our eyes. But if you stroll around campus and look carefully--really carefully--you would find all sorts of wonderful things: mini-gardens for a nap or a cigarette break, tucked neatly in the corners of buildings; sculptures and statues hidden by years of vegetation or simply just not strategically located; a stairway to a basement walkway that's hidden by an odd bush; a plastic (I think) 'snowman'; concrete mushrooms; and many more. We obviously can't compete with seaside campuses or those with lakes and fields and forests--believe it or not, we don't even have a fountain. But at least whatever our problems are it's because we lack them, not because we overdid them. All I can say is that for what we are, we're pretty nice.
Many people look at our main campus here in Pittsburgh and comment on how tiny we are. Yes. If you look at the campus on Google Maps, you can see that if you divide it into a 3 x 3 grid, the athletics track is just enough to fill one of the squares. So we are as big as nine 400 m tracks. We are bordered by Forbes Ave., Frew St., Neville St./Boundary St. (how ironic), and Margaret Morrison St. on the north, south, west and east respectively. Boundary St. to Margaret Morrison St. is a little less than 800 m or half a mile or three traffic lights. That is a good thing, the smallness of this place. We only have slightly over 1,000 per class. I've high-fived everyone else in the Class of 2011; everyone kind of knows everyone. And--most importantly--you can wake up at 9:15 AM, get dressed, slip and fall on the icy sidewalks, chat up the sweet girl who helps to pick up your bag, buy a cup of coffee, and still make it on time for your 9:30.
I arrived here in August 2007 amidst so much talk of how bad the food is and how only years before it was ranked among the five worst in terms of on-campus dining. The landscaping was also horrible. Added to the fact that this is a school notorious for its workload and workaholics, it didn't seem like fun. Of course much of that has been fixed--food is bearable, but the landscaping is ambiguous.
The biggest shock of all for the CMU populace was the Walk To The Sky statue--probably still is. For starters, it's a 30-foot metal pole sticking out of the ground at an angle, very much like a guy lying on his back having an erection (there has been talk of a 30-foot condom). Now there are people (fake, obviously) walking upwards on this pole, hence, 'walk to the sky'. And at the pole's foot, there are three people (again, fake) just standing there, looking up at the men and women who are obviously thinking "the sky is the limit". I actually like it. But the fact that it's placed right at the front of CMU--in between the university center and the drama school--is just so...wrong. Sure, I like the fact that we don't have tacky Greek/Roman-like arches or signboards or even, God forbid, a guardhouse entrance with honest-to-goodness pak guards and mak guards. But a 30-foot erection that sways when the wind blows..? But it's nice, really. Not just because it is what it is; but also because it harbors idiots who will stand at the base, staring up at the skywalkers--or even idiots who think the three statues at the foot are real people who stand still for some artsy bullshit. It's true.
The next obvious tourist trap is The Fence. We have a fence right smack in the center of campus which we paint almost every night. Yes, it is a different color almost every day. The previous fence was wooden and so collapsed under its own weight. It still holds the Guinness World Record for "Most Painted Object". Many CMU departments keep pieces or flakes of paint from the old fence as memorabilia, just like many people do the Berlin Wall. Anyway, the new fence is steel and concrete, and fence painting is as spirited as ever as we try to beat the record of the old fence. Anyone, or any organization or club or dorm can paint the fence. People advertise their meetings, their national days, their names, their dorms, they do it just because. Painting can only be done after midnight until before sunrise; paintbrushes only, spray painting is considered vandalism; and at least two people must guard the fence to avoid others from 'taking' it. Some frats or clubs build tents or sheds around the fence so they can have 24/7 watchdogs. You can, however, strike a deal with the people holding the fence and borrow it for a day.
But this campus actually has some surprises up it's sleeve. As Phua, Dian, NJ and all 13 visitors from Wisconsin will attest, the carvings on the front of the College of Fine Arts building has quite an interesting history behind it (pun intended). The architect was paid less than the original deal so he passive-aggressively replied by making one subtle change that haunts us to this day. On the left-most carving, above all the pillars are heads with different expressions. But one of them aren't heads. No, it's a pair of buttocks (now you get the pun), sticking out, taunting us "fuck you for not paying me enough". Inside the CFA, the ceiling is something from one of those buildings from The Vatican. No, not The Creation of Adam from the Sistine Chapel. But it's awfully pretty nonetheless.
Between CFA and Tepper, you'll see a partially hidden garden. As you go up the not-so-maze-not-so-garden-trail pathway, you'll reach a white abstract-shaped platform with numbers on it scattered in random order. This is our Number Garden. Looking south, there'll be this artsy thing from God knows who which I find to be rather smart. It's a quote of someone quoting someone else by the name of Eddington on his thoughts of the direction of time and the law of entropy. Eddington surmises that if we choose to walk backwards, it would be as if time went backwards too. The quote is written backwards; first word last/last word first. And that is pretty cool.
For a small area, we have barely enough space for our buildings. The new Gates School of Computer Science is near completion and hopefully it'll be as pretty on the inside as it is on the outside; and also as high-tech as they say it to be. And hopefully once the tractors and trucks have gone, they'd erect mini-parks or gardens around it just to appease our eyes. But if you stroll around campus and look carefully--really carefully--you would find all sorts of wonderful things: mini-gardens for a nap or a cigarette break, tucked neatly in the corners of buildings; sculptures and statues hidden by years of vegetation or simply just not strategically located; a stairway to a basement walkway that's hidden by an odd bush; a plastic (I think) 'snowman'; concrete mushrooms; and many more. We obviously can't compete with seaside campuses or those with lakes and fields and forests--believe it or not, we don't even have a fountain. But at least whatever our problems are it's because we lack them, not because we overdid them. All I can say is that for what we are, we're pretty nice.
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